THE Economic Freedom Fighters were in civvies for the debate on President Jacob Zuma's State of the Nation Address and, for a short while, it seemed the unthinkable was happening, that the grandstanding in red workers' apparel was a thing of the past. But no. The Commander in Chief, Julius Malema, made his entrance in the by-now familiar spotless overalls and shiny black gumboots with his red hard hat at a rakish angle.
It was his big day. His first address to the House - all 15 minutes of it - and he appeared to be in good cheer. Up in the press gallery it did look as if his overalls had shrunk a little. Or were a size too small in the gut department. Every time he raised his arm to greet a colleague, the overalls would rise a a wee bit uncomfortably into wedgie territory, as the schoolboys would have it, and there would be a little bit of fiddling to rearrange things.
No matter. That wasn't stopping the CIC. Malema was here to kick a bit of life into the debate, and given the plodding start to the afternoon's business from Jeff Radebe, the Minister in the Presidency, the debate certainly needed a kick or two in the wedgie territory.
Radebe had the unenviable task of providing a recap of Zuma's tired and not very inspiring address of the night before. He chose to leave nothing out and so Zuma's 75-minute mumblethon was crammed into a 20-minute Radebe speedfest. He was like a machine gun. The National Assembly's microphones didn't stand a chance. Radebe's "P"s tended to make a dreadful popping sound over the PA system - and there were a lot of them: ". . . Performance . . . President . . . dePartments . . . imPlementation Plan . . . develoPmental Plan . . . People's Plan . . . Parliamentary Procedure. . ."
Pop, pop, pop went the pounding on the ears.
Radebe was followed by the leader of the opposition, the DA's Mmusi Maimane, who was also making his debut address to parliament. It was a polished performance and provided the afternoon's first real entertainment with a dig at both the government and the Effniks.
"We agree with the president that South Africa requires a radical transformation," Maimane said. "By this we mean bold policy ideas that grow the economy and create jobs. You see, ‘radical' plans are not in and of themselves good simply because they are described as ‘radical'- just as wearing a red beret does not make you revolutionary."
At which point Malema removed his hard hat, and there was much derisive laughter as he made his way to the podium with resolute purpose - much like a contestant at a no-holds-barred cage fight.
He was not great at first, and lost us a little with his wishes to replace Louise Botha outside parliament with a big statue of Nelson Mandela. It was only when Malema described her as a "colonial warmonger" whose presence perpetuated "white supremacy" did it dawn on some of us that he was in fact referring to Louis Botha.
It was much the same with remarks about the "reputation" in Zuma's address. "Nothing you have said, Mr President, is new. It's all a reputation of what you have said before." And, of course, he meant "repetition".
But we shouldn't snigger. After all, his "radical economic agenda" includes strange plans for white folk who make no effort to learn an African language.
At which point there came the first calls for order - with an inquiry as to why the Honourable Malema did not speak in an African language. "Why does he speak in English?"
"I've no time for racist questions," Malema shot back, and was soon railing on about how the ANC government had shot dead 34 miners at Marikana. But the objections were now coming on thick and fast. But Malema was adamant that government was behind the massacre. "I maintain that!"
The NCOP Chairperson Thandi Modise is to give her ruling on the matter tomorrow when the debate continues. But Malema wasn't finished and there were more objections when he compared the "factional tendencies" of the Higher Education Minister Blade Nzimande to "mere old wine in a new bottle".
"Very well," Malama said. "The Honourable Blade Nzimande."
The sarcasm was too much for Modise, who began to read Malema the riot act, reminding him about parliamentary decorum.
"No, no, no, I don't agree with that," Malema said. "No, you are not going to tell me how to debate here."
Modise had to shout to be heard above the uproar. "You will cease from from making disaparaging remarks about members!"
I think it dawned on him then that Modise was serious. A big grin appeared on his face. "Okay chair, I withdraw [the comment]," he beamed.
When the laughter died down, he was off again, thundering on about the ANC government's failure to build schools, but Modise interrupted him once more to tell him he'd run out of time - his 15 minutes were over.
"But, Honourable Chair," Malema complained. "Those orders were too much."
Next up was the IFP leader, Mangosuthu Buthelezi. He had 11 minutes. It seemed much, much longer. Most of the afternoon's fun was now over. Tomorrow it continues.
Click here to sign up to receive our free daily headline email newsletter
