Dumb, dumber and dumbest criminals of 2010

As we bid farewell to 2010, a year during which the South African Police Service can boast that we secured the best FIFA World Cup EVER, we would also want to look back at a few of our more light-hearted moments.

Now we all know that criminals don't walk into prisons voluntarily and the fact that South African prisons are over-flowing is testimony to the excellent work of the women and men in blue.  It also shows that criminals aren't quite as sharp as they like to think!

A few bloopers that we can think of offhand, and which we can still chuckle over as we look back over 2010, can be shared:-

• Well, speaking of the World Cup, at least one of two certain young non-South African ladies thought nothing of lighting up a cannabis cigarette right outside the Nelson Mandela Bay stadium on 2 July 2010 at the quarter final match between Brazil and the Netherlands.  S A cops (clearly more intelligent than expected), on smelling the dagga, promptly arrested the two and former Playboy Playmate Jennifer Rovero was found guilty of possession of cannabis and sentenced to a R1000 fine or 30 days imprisonment.
• Gauteng cops during the year reacted to a Crime Line tip-off of drug dealing at a certain address in Johannesburg.  On arrival at the house they did not find any sign of drug sales, but the occupant - in his haste to hide his tiny personal stash of dagga - wrapped it up in ......... (wait for it) ..... a copy of his own identity document. Tsk tsk.
• Just recently, in the east of Pretoria, four armed men decided to commit an armed robbery at a restaurant at about 1am.  A wide-awake patron switched the restaurant lights off and in the darkness the suspects fired off about 12 shots.  The injuries .... Only the robbers themselves - one died from two head wounds and one was wounded in the chest and later arrested.  Sigh.
• In Cape Town a 28 year old man decided to break into a house with his dog as an accomplice.  The man, on discovering a green wetsuit in the home's garage couldn't resist trying it on.  When the owner of the house arrived home the suspect fled, yes, still wearing the wetsuit.  He wasn't hard to find and apprehend and has been charged with housebreaking.  There isn't a charge in our books for being just plain silly. 
• Even from the air, our police officers can spot a dumb crook from, well, a kilometer away!  Colonel Willie Norval was in a police chopper following a Tracker signal indicating a stolen vehicle.  The suspect, on spotting the police chopper, abandoned the vehicle, crossed the road and got into another vehicle.  Further down the road, he alighted from that vehicle and proceeded on foot.  Perhaps he thought our airborne law enforcers can't follow a suspect on foot.  Eventually our chopper pilot and crew got fed up with this guy's antics, landed on the road and before they could even reach the suspect a member of the public came charging out of his house and rugby-tackled the suspect down to the ground. Another one bites the dust.
• And in the midlands of KwaZulu-Natal police have just arrested three bogus traffic officers who were using a fake speed camera to stop motorists and then hijack them.  The fake speed camera was made from two plastic bottles joined with black tape and the stand consisted of two long planks.  Leon Schuster eat your heart out. When arrested the men were found in possession of the fake camera, a reflective vest and other items.  Dumb, dumber and dumbest?

Let's finish off with a dumb crook from another country - Camouflage might work well in nature, but it really stands out in the police station. Oregon investigators believe Gregory Liascos, 36, was wearing this "ghillie" camouflage when he attempted to break into the Rice Northwest Museum of Rocks and Minerals last week. After setting off alarms, the suspect allegedly fled into a wooded area nearby. Officers only found Liascos when a police dog bit what appeared to be a patch of grass -- and the foliage yelped in pain. What can we South Africans say except, ag shame, aikona!

Statement issued by Brigadier Sally de Beer, Communication and Liaison Services. South African Police Service, December 31 2010

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