IT seems the Democratic Alliance's rescheduled march on Luthuli House in Johannesburg this coming Wednesday will be a peaceful affair; the ruling party's provincial secretary, David Makhura, has promised there will be no violence.

"ANC members will not engage in any violence with the opposition," Makhura told a press briefing on Thursday. "Those ANC members in this province, they know they are not allowed to fight physically with members of the opposition."

This clearly was of some relief then for Mmusi Maimane, the DA's candidate for Gauteng premier. But, while he has welcomed the undertaking, Maimane should be wary of Makhura's rather formal-sounding comments to the effect that ANC members would be on hand to "receive" the DA and engage with them politically. 

Were I DA member - which, as I made clear last week, I am not - this planned reception would have me a wee bit worried. As Makhura put it: "The battle between us and the DA is about who has the best vision for South Africa, who has the best policies to move South Africa forward. We will be there to receive them and educate them on our plans to transform the economy."

Earlier, after Johannesburg metro cops refused to allow the DA to go ahead with their march as originally planned, party leader Helen Zille released a statement in which she revealed the calibre of the instructional tools with which the ruling party had intended to instil in the marchers the ANC vision of economic transformation.

"Yesterday," she said, "several ANC members gathered outside Luthuli House were spotted with rocks, bricks and Tasers. It is ironic that the ANC were allowed to gather illegally in the streets . . . after the JMPD refused the right for the DA to march peacefully. We had to then go through a convoluted process which included an appeal to the Johannesburg Magistrates Court. We trust that the JMPD will prevent the ANC from disrupting the DA's march next week. To our knowledge, no permission has been granted to the ANC to hold such a gathering."

Actually, what could be ironic here - but really is not at all - is Zille's misunderstanding of irony. There is nothing "ironic" about the JMPD's partisan behaviour. What would have been ironic was if the cops had actually done their jobs and dispersed this gang of ANC economics professors loitering outside Luthuli House. I mention this only because our premier was once a famous journalist and she really should know better. 

But all that is by the by. What concerns me now is this talk of Tasers. Is Zille quite sure ANC members were armed with these sophisticated weapons and not the more common stun gun which can be bought over the counter wherever crossbows, hunting knives, bear traps and other lifestyle goods are sold?

For those unfamiliar with these attitude adjustors, the stun gun is an electro-shock weapon. It has, at the receiving end, metal electrodes which must be in contact with your target. It's gladiator stuff, you get in real close and you feel feel the hot breath on your face as you dish out the zaps and unleash powerful electrical currents that disrupt your foe's muscle control causing what is known in the textbooks as "neuromuscular incapacitation". 

It's said to be non-lethal, although when the neuromuscularly incapacitated writhe and flap a bit on the ground, they do appear to be in discomfort and there is some loss of dignity.

The Taser does the same thing. But from a distance. It fires two darts which are connected to a main, hand-held device by conductive wires. The darts are barbed to prevent removal. Tasers issued to US police departments have a range of almost 11 metres. Those that "normal" American civilians are legally allowed to own have a range of little more than four metres. Off-colour remarks about harpooning whales are best avoided but they can sometimes bring levity to an otherwise stressful situation.

Although a more superior weapon than the stun gun, the Taser has distinct disadvantages when breaking up a march. It's basically a "single-shooter"; reloading after each shot would leave you vulnerable in a crowded rolling economics tutorial. Oh, and according to the United Nations, they're classified as instruments of torture. 

In the interests of a more traditional South African political engagement on Wednesday, I'd suggest the DA leave nothing to chance and come prepared. The Anarchist Cookbook, which can be downloaded gratis from the internet, should prove handy, jammed as it is with advice on fashioning smoke bombs and pipe grenades from everyday household objects. It may even have something about Tasers. 

But let the best economic vision win.

This article first appeared in the Weekend Argus.

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