The men who stare at votes
Of course, what we would really like to know is what Gordon Brown said when somebody in the prime minister's Jaguar pointed out that he still had a live microphone clipped to his tie. We all know about the "that was a disaster" and "she's just some bigoted woman" comments he made after meeting a Labour pensioner but what my bet is that he said something much fruitier when he realized the colossal gaffe he had made.
I've been pleasantly surprised during the run up to the British election. The TV debates were a bit tame and more like party political broadcasts than they should have been but at least it gave the electorate and the media an opportunity to put questions to party leaders without giving them a chance to consult their spin doctors before answering.
And the good thing about this election is that, hung parliament or not, there is obviously a desire for change in Blighty. Gordon Brown, the man who sold the Bank of England's gold at the market low when he was Chancellor of the Exchequer, has had a disastrous three years as prime minister. One of the problems was that he was unelected because he slipped into the coveted job when Tony Blair decided to go on the lucrative lecture circuit and bring peace to the Middle East. One has been a huge success, the other not.
Over the past decade the UK has become involved in an unwinnable and costly war, the country has become even more of a nanny state, the level of debt has risen and the level of service delivery has deteriorated and people are fed up. Whether any other party will manage to cut government expenditure, raise taxes and still keep people happy is doubtful because what needs to be done in England is what should have been done long ago in Greece to prevent it from becoming the pitiful basket case it has become today. Fortunately the UK has financial services and industry to pull it out of the hot smelly stuff. Quite how Greece plans to even service the interest on its new debt is unclear. They're going to have to export a hell of a lot of olives and Ouzo.
The interesting contrast between UK politics and SA politics is that there are three main parties contesting the British election. The three main party leaders have spent the past few weeks scrutinizing the ever changing opinion polls which claim to indicate how Brits will vote today. But it's what happens in the polling booth that counts and that's why a lot of people will be staring at votes when the counting starts tonight.
Unlike SA, the election result is not simply a matter of wondering whether the ruling party will have enough of a majority to fiddle with the constitution. It's a rather more serious matter of putting somebody in the driving seat for the next five years who can reverse the damage that Labour have done to the economy and to the spirit of the country.
Paradoxically, a hung parliament in which no party has a clear majority could be the best thing for the country. A Lib Dem/Conservative coalition wouldn't be a disaster and it would mean that no one party would be blamed for the tough medicine British citizens are going to have to take over the next five years.
Whatever the outcome of the election though, you can be sure that the political parties will be working hard to deliver on their election promises. They won't be ordering two luxury cars, trying to reorganise the judiciary or allowing relatives to successfully tender for the building of a new London Bridge. That sort of thing only happens in banana republics.
The most vivid contrast between the UK political system and ours though is that in the UK it's the different parties that fight one another whereas in this country it's the party in power that fights itself. Eighteen months ago this spawned COPE, a breakaway party led by two Mbeki supporters with rather unimpressive CV's. One had driven the defence force into the ground and the other had committed us to a ruinously over budget Gautrain.
Now COPE are fighting amongst themselves which means that they may just as well rejoin the main church of the ANC and enjoy the spat there.
The ANC seemed much more comfortable as a liberation party than they ever have as what they like to call a "ruling party". Just as an ageing hippy replays his Woodstock album, members of the ANC continue to sing their liberation songs with a misty tear in their eye. Clearly those were good times and it really isn't the same having to run a country is it?
Which is presumably why the party appears to be tearing itself apart and wondering how to tame members like Kiddie Amin. All the while the people of the country suffer because the politicians are so busy burying their snouts in the trough and failing to deliver very much in return. It's a moot point who should be more pissed off.....the poor who have been waiting since 1994 for election promises to be honoured or the economically better off who pay taxes so that the plight of the poor can be improved only to see their hard earned taxes squandered on football stadiums and submarines (with kick backs for the politically connected). Since the likelihood of the two groups coming together, donning red shirts and marching on parliament is extremely unlikely I imagine our politicians sleep rather well at night, guarded at our expense.
The problem is that this cosy arrangement can't continue. The mood of the South African people is not good. Optimism isn't evident and even the normally placid middle classes are worried about the future of a country that doesn't seem to have a united government with a single purpose in mind. Nobody likes to be ripped off and then have the added insult of being laughed at for being a sucker. That is precisely what the ANC are doing to all South Africans and my guess is that, eventually, something will snap. You can only push people so far.
David Bullard can be followed on Twitter here
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