I HAVE never nor will I ever be a member of the Democratic Alliance. This disclosure is intended as a courtesy. It comes at a time when there is much concern among the ruling party, their alliance partners and their supporters regarding what has been termed "the DA's agents in the media".

Witch-hunts, like the sniffing of bedsheets by apartheid-era vice cops, are messy affairs; it would be greatly embarrassing should those who consider it their business to determine such things waste their time and resources in attempting to gauge my political allegiances.

The truth is I have none. In this regard, I'm something of an Other Marxist; I wouldn't want to belong to any club or association that would have me as a member and so I refuse to join or support any particular political party. Thus I exercise my constitutional right to distance myself from gangs of psychopaths who feel compelled to bother and meddle in the affairs of the citizenry.

But, as they say, no man's an island and, however lacklustre it may seem, I will continue to do my bit for civil society. Count on me to be loud and indignant, for example, whenever there are attempts to curb freedom of expression and other liberties.

I wasn't always such a militant non-joiner. I supported the End Conscription Campaign and was active in getting drunk at their concerts. Even, sometimes, at their church vigils. But that was in the 1980s when Magnus Malan, the world's only defence minister to resemble a Volkswagen Beetle with the doors open, wanted me to muck about in citizen force camps and do all manner of unpleasant things.

I was also an office-bearer with the South African Society of Journalists. This too was in the 1980s, before journalists were embarrassed by the outdated "imperial" nature of the SASJ and changed its name to the militant-sounding SA Union of Journalists. Members later voted to dissolve the union. More fool us, as recent events have shown, but that's perhaps another matter.

Here comes the shock-horror admission. I was once a member of the Cape Town Press Club. Young and naive, I'd been misled into believing that, in addition to cheap wine and an annual year-end knees-up, membership entitled me to attend regular functions where guest speakers drawn from a "wide spectrum of public life", according to the bumf, could practice all sorts of free speech in a "non-partisan environment" where said wine flowed.

Little did I suspect that the club was in effect a DA tribunal. But I know better now that its co-chairman Donwald Pressly has been suspended as Business Report's Cape Town Bureau Chief for allegedly applying to be on the party's list of parliamentary candidates.

As the SA Communist Party's Sizwe Nyenyiso put it in a statement: "Donwald Pressly's work as a DA representative in the Cape Town Press Club was noticeable over the years. As the Chairperson, he made the Press club a fiefdom of the Democratic Alliance and created a fertile environment that prioritised the articulation of DA policy and political direction."

Pressly, Nyenyiso continued, was "badly exposed" in May 2012 when he attempted to subject Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries Minister Tina Joemat-Peterson to a "DA kangaroo court" and "accountability mechanism".

What transpired, actually, was that Joemat-Peterson refused to deliver a scheduled press club address and walked out because she noticed DA MP Pieter "Something's Fishy" van Dalen was in the audience.

It's also worth mentioning that Nyensiso is a member of the SACP's Battle of Ideas Commission in the Brian Bunting District. Which is perhaps unfortunate as he appears to have little that's fresh in the ideas department with which to do battle.

Back to the press club. Although my membership had long since lapsed, Pressly nevertheless invited me to address a December 2009 luncheon. Apparently my habit of referring to President Jacob Zuma in print as "Mr Love Pants" had stirred some members' interest and there had been a suggestion that I could look back on the year's events in a breezy, light-hearted manner - a mistake the club committee will not readily repeat.

At the time I was not aware of being subjected to any "accountability mechanism" - although, when it came to question time, I was pointedly asked why I'd once described Julius Malema as a "little sh*t" in a column.

It was a family newspaper, I replied, and I could not call him a c***.

That was the wine talking. I blame Pressly. You don't want to know how neo-liberal he can be when re-charging glasses.

This article first appeared in the Weekend Argus.

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