SEEING as it's Easter it is perhaps quite appropriate that the national chairwoman of the ANC, Baleka Mbete, should remind us that a man's home is not just his castle, but a sacred castle at that. Ditto the home of his cows.
Like so many of the party faithful before her, Mbete was, of course, rushing to defend her rubbish president from the provocations contained in Public Protector Thuli Madonsela's report into the security upgrades at Nkandla.
"A lot was clarified, in fact, by Thuli's report," Mbete told reporters on Thursday, somewhat stating the obvious. "She then goes on to say a few things that, in our view, are actually debatable, because in the African tradition you don't interfere with a man's kraal. The issue of a man's kraal or a kraal of a family is a holy space."
That took us by surprise at first, here at the Mahogany Ridge. Being of secular, if not entirely sober, habits, the regulars did wonder about the purpose of holes in a kraal, especially one with a chicken run. Would the chickens not escape? Issue forth, as it were? Could Mbete have been referring to that special culvert we'd heard so much about? Clearly there was much about African tradition that we didn't know.
Then it dawned on us: it was that good, old-fashioned mumbo jumbo again. And why not? The president is an ordained priest after all. He has a special relationship with his ancestors, one of whom, a great uncle, is apparently God. Has he not told us that the ANC will remain in power for as long as there is an Easter Bunny?
And what of his parables? The good stories that he could tell us? Two years ago, speaking like a great prophet, Zuma declared, "When you vote for the ANC, you are also choosing to go to heaven. When you don't vote for the ANC you should know that you are choosing that man who carries a fork . . . who cooks people."
Was he referring to next month's elections? And this man who carries a fork and cooks people? Was this not Ronnie Kasrils?
It does seem rather spooky. It was unthinkable, when Zuma uttered those words two years ago, that party stalwart Kasrils would now be urging ANC supporters to spoil their ballots or vote for a minority party.
But, as Kasrils explained at the the launch this week of his campaign, Sidikiwe ("fed up" in isiXhosa), a vote for the ruling party would "condone its corruption".
Some observers have cynically pointed out that it has only taken a decade or so for Kasrils to reach the conclusion that all is not well with the ANC.
This criticism is perhaps unfair, as it overlooks Kasrils' long history in military intelligence. And, as matters stand, he is rather getting it in the neck from his old comrades, many of whom regard his "tough love" campaign as something of a betrayal and a slap in the face.
And they are very angry.
The Umkhonto We Sizwe Military Veterans Association has branded him an "enemy of the people". ANC general secretary Gwede "Goblin of Stalin" Mantashe has openly mocked Kasrils' glorious military achievements, deriding him as "the one who led young men, made them jump fences at the border between South Africa and Ciskei and they were killed in Bisho. The massacre was a result of his recklessness."
Even the avuncular George Bizos has jumped into the fray. The veteran struggle lawyer has insisted that people should not attack the ANC in public. "Nelson Mandela would say people are entitled to their views," Bizos said, "but showing their frustration in public is counter-productive." As an old legal hack, he is well aware that you don't thrash out problems in the open, but rather lure them into a dark alley where you knife them in the back.
But back to Nkandlagate, which, you must agree, will take some stabbing before it finally disappears.
Mbete has claimed that visitors to the president's home - oh, that we could all be so fortunate - all receive an earful from an unhappy First Lady Number One, Ma Khumalo, about "the attention, noise and intrusion into their private family space" thrown up by busybody questions about amphitheatres and pools and tuck shops and what have you.
It is a good point. And Mbete is correct. The good pastor Zuma should be left alone to tend his flock, or rather, herd, and brood. (Not brood, as in "ponder", but, you know, a bunch of chickens.) And our money should never have interfered with his kraal. That is why he should give it back. That, after all, is our African tradition.
This article first appeared in the Weekend Argus.
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