A FAMOUS GROUSE

ARE they all fast asleep at the Department of International Relations and Co-operation? Are they not aware that the United Kingdom is, according to pasty-faced man-child Elon Musk, on the brink of all-out civil war? 

This is serious. Why have they not joined the growing chorus of nations warning citizens about traveling to the UK as anti-immigrant riots spread across Britain and right-wing thugs go on the rampage in what is regarded there as the worst public violence in decades?

I mean, even Nigeria’s foreign ministry has beaten Dirco to the punch, and has cautioned its people that “demonstrations by far right and other extra-parliamentary groups in parts of the UK in recent weeks have been large and in some instances unruly” and that “there is an increased risk of violence and disorder.”

Nigerian nationals are further advised to be “extra vigilant” and “self-aware at all times” and to avoid crowded areas, large gatherings and political processions and rallies.

Other countries that have, at the time of writing, issued similar alerts are Malaysia, Australia, Indonesia, India and the United Arab Emirates. One would have imagined South Africa would have been there already, eager to buff up its non-aligned reputation and gloat over the misfortunes of their former colonial overlords. But apparently not.

The riots began the night after a stabbing attack last Monday (29 July) at a Taylor Swift-themed dance and yoga party for children in Southport, a seaside town near Liverpool. Three girls, aged six, seven and nine, were fatally wounded. Several others, including two adults, were seriously injured in the attack.

A 17-year-old youth was arrested shortly afterwards, and appeared in court on Thursday, where he was charged with three counts of murder and ten of attempted murder. He has been identified as Axel Rudakubana, a resident of a nearby village, but who was born in Cardiff, Wales.

Defendants aged under 18 are usually granted anonymity in criminal matters. But the court has waived this right, with the judge ruling that concealing Rudakubana’s identity would allow others to “spread misinformation in a vacuum”. 

Sadly, this came far too late. A false rumour that the suspected attacker was a Muslim asylum seeker spread like wildfire within hours of Rudakubana’s arrest. The far right mobilised and violent race riots have erupted in several English towns. Immigrants and asylum seekers were convenient targets, easily blamed for any number of government policy failures, from the housing crisis to the faltering public health system. 

One consequence of all this has been the focus on the role that social media has played in stirring up the violence. The UK government has now urged companies like Musk’s X (formerly Twitter) and others to take responsibility for amplifying “misinformation [and] encouragement of [the] violence”, the Financial Times reported.

On Monday, the home secretary Yvette Cooper described social media platforms has having “put rocket boosters” under misinformation and xenophobic and racist posts, She added that police would be pursuing “online criminality” as well as those who had been rioting in the streets.

And here’s a thing. Social media may have been instrumental in spreading the misinformation that has fed the violence, but it has also played a significant role in bringing many of these thugs to book. 

Pictures of one individual happily looting several shops were, for example, posted on X with the simple inquiry: “Anyone know this guy?” The response was instantaneous, with many identifying him by name and listing his previous convictions. 

Other yobs attempted to disguise themselves with balaclavas and masks as they ran riot but, alas, were easily identified by their tattoos. You’re obviously not a proper Brexit geezer if you’re not suitably illustrated. More ink for these chaps then, this time at the fingerprint pad.

At the time of writing, almost 400 rioters had been arrested. Those who have appeared in court have been dealt short shrift by the beak. Nearly all of them have been remanded in custody until further court appearances. (The one exception I know of is a 14-year-old boy who was released on bail.) Several reportedly broke down and wept as they were led away. Some even called out to their mothers. And with reason: prosecutors want to level terrorism charges against the worst of these thugs.

Further trouble is expected. This evening (Wednesday) some 6 000 public order police officers will be on standby as about 30 asylum centres, hotels and boarding houses where migrants are being housed have reportedly been identified as targets on right-social media.

Bring on the clevers

No-one likes a government lacking in the grey matter, one led by politicians so dof their lips move when they think. The needs and concerns of the citizens are clearly not able to be addressed by such leaders. 

But fear not. The Economic Freedom Fighters have a plan to clever up the corridors of power. They will shortly be tabling a motion in Parliament requiring ministers to possess a tertiary education qualification. 

This is according to Aishah Cassiem, an EFF MPL who made the announcement during a debate on premier Alan Winde’s address to mark the opening sitting of the Western Cape provincial parliament.

“We are going to extend this motion,” Cassiem added, “to legislatures to include that Premiers, Speakers and MECs must have a post-matric qualification and from recognised tertiary institutions because clearly, part of the problem here is that we have Premiers and MECs who lack the requisite variety and understanding to run a province and take care of the actual needs of its people.”

Ignore, just for the moment, that Cassiem’s remarks were directed at the Western Cape government. You know, the people responsible for the country’s best-run province. The adults in the room, if you will.

Focus, instead, on her emphasis that, in this regard, not any old tertiary institution will suffice, it must be one that is recognised — although by whom, she’s not saying.

City Varsity, in Cape Town, is presumably such an institution. According to her LinkedIn profile, Cassiem spent a year here in 2012 getting some sort of journalism qualification.

This is not to run down or denigrate City Varsity. On the contrary and, according to its website, this recognised tertiary institution is “home to unique individuals who share a passion and talent for the creative arts”. 

Life on its campus seems quite a jol. They further claim: “Whether it’s a rehearsal for the next trending flash mob, a spirited guitar jam session or a poetry slam, our students spend every moment banishing boredom from their lives…

“Access student accommodation and plenty of creative and intellectual stimulation from museums, theatres and cinemas to the famous Company’s Gardens. All of these are just a stone’s throw away.”

Well, yes. And much to throw stones at. But, to be fair to Cassiem, she does state that she is currently completing her final year for a degree in government, administration and development at Unisa. 

This has nothing to do with jam sessions and the like, but instead concerns mundane bread-and-butter stuff. The Bachelor of Administration degree is a popular choice for those seeking higher office, and it is offered at several of our recognised tertiary institutions. 

The University of KwaZulu-Natal, for example, states that its BAdmin programme “offers students an opportunity to gain insight into the theory and practice of public affairs, administration, and policy analysis and development management”.

These are worthy skills, and who among us would begrudge the Redshirts’ ambitions in this regard? They have of course yet to display any interest in such things; as servants of the people they appear to favour chaos and public violence over council procedure.

Cassiem’s announcement of a purported tertiary education requirement bill is of course not really concerned with administrative practices but is rather yet another tired swipe at those DA politicians like Winde and party leader John Steenhuisen who do not have university degrees.

One possible problem with such a motion from a minority party is that, once tabled, it will be open and vulnerable to all sorts of suggested amendments from opponents. Chief of these could echo the ANC’s moribund “step-aside policy”, namely that those suspected of corruption-related crimes be barred from public office until their innocence can be established beyond reasonable doubt.

Such an amendment could be discomforting for EFF leader Julius Malema and his deputy, Floyd Shivambu. For obvious reasons.

As for Cassiem, well, she is an eminently Instagrammable politician. And a rebel, too. Like most young people these days, she is fond of posting selfies on social media. These suggest a uniquely individual style in revolutionary chic: in one snap, she jauntily sports a green rather than a red beret, and a fluffy pink frock instead of the EFF’s distinctive red uniform.

Speaking of which, orange is next on the spectrum, I believe.

Pole position

To Paris, where the French athlete Anthony Ammirati’s hopes at Olympic glory have been dashed by what some have described as his “asset”. The 21-year-old pole vaulter was hoping to clear 5.7 metres on Saturday when, alas, his penis grazed the bar with sufficient force to send it crashing to the floor. “Ammirati had already cleared two heights,” one news site reported, “before his bulge brought a premature end to his competition.” A terrible shame but, as the regulars at the Slaughtered Lamb (“Finest Ales & Pies”) suggest, such mishaps may soon be common in the women’s event.