OPINION

COSATU, the DA and the Commentariat

Jeremy Gordin says the opposition called the Federation's bluff on jobs

Most readers probably saw Tuesday night's TV coverage of the Democratic Alliance march on Cosatu's hq in Braamfontein. Interesting, isn't it, how badly Cosatu took it? Remarkable how they simply could not countenance the idea of the DA marching to Braamfontein.

By Monday night they were "freaking out," summoning all available vigilantes. And yesterday, when the march actually happened, Zwelinzima Vavi, Cosatu general secretary, showed the true glory of his character.

In a particularly vile speech, Vavi accused the DA of wanting to "stick their stinking fingers in our noses," "told" the DA to "bring it on," and uttered various other inane bellicosities. Last time I saw an oaf posturing just like that was in the schoolyard of whites-only Brakpan High. And if I had been in Braamfontein and if I were 20 years younger, I'd have tried to do to Vavi what I did, 44 years ago, to the oaf. (I can dream, can't I?)

And both Vavi and gap-toothed Irvin Jim of Numsa (later on TV) lied and lied, and lied a little more, about how horrified they were at the violence that inexplicably broke out. But more remarkable perhaps were the comments offered on eTV News by the over-garrulous and increasingly bombastic Karima Brown and various other so-called political analysts. All of them "couldn't understand" why the DA had wanted to march to Braamfontein and all of them whined about Helen Zille having made a "tactical mistake".

What part of the Zille, Mazibuko, Maimane, and Moody "strategy" did they NOT understand?

It's not exactly rocket science. Obviously Cosatu talks incessantly about being the workers' champions. But it's all crap. Its leaders are not going to let the unemployed young ‘uns anywhere near jobs - ergo they have continually stymied the youth subsidy plan - because it could jeopardize the jobs of other, "older" workers. And if scores of thousands of folk lose their jobs because Cosatu have their way regarding labour brokers, what will Vavi say or do?

Zip. He'll go and make another speech at Wits University about how wonderful Ruth First was 30 years ago or explain how he single-handedly ended the scourge of e-tolling - and he'll let everyone else go to hell. Mark my words, babaloos: the working class can kiss my ass, I have the SG's job at last.

The DA bunch knows this; certainly Zille does; and the march was to call Cosatu's bluff and to demonstrate who's actually trying to do something about unemployment. And also simply to take to the streets - to say HEY, listen up, we're here.

This was perhaps the most heart-warming thing about the march - seeing people besides the fatties from Cosatu out on the street; simply seeing the DA out on street; and noting - mirabile dictu - that most of them are black. You go, Helen; you go, girl (though maybe, between you and me, you shouldn't throw your body around quite so much and shout so loudly - someone might mistake you for a Cosatu office bearer).

First prize for commentary, though, goes, I believe, to Justice Malala, eTV's political editor or chief commentator or whatever he is.

"Nineteen years ago [I think he meant 18, actually]," he opined solemnly, "IFP supporters marched on Shell House and 19 people died [well, maybe he said "18 years ago" and I'm mixing up the numbers ...]. This being the case, how could the DA do this today?"

Hello? What in the name of Todd Matshikiza does a DA march in so-called democratic Seffrica have to do with a march by a number of IFP impis during the violent days of transition?

Me, I can't figure out the answer to the question; and I fear that Mr Malala was merely trying to impress us young consumers - or someone - with his excellent memory and grasp of history. Oh well.

"This," he continued, "was a tactical blunder on the part of Zille. She should have been marching on Pretoria."

Justice really doesn't get it, does he? Besides the stuff I mentioned above, he really doesn't understand that marching on Cosatu House rather than the Union Buildings was also rather a wicked comment on how power operates in the good old RSA. Oh well.

But, just in case the incipient violence and vulgarity upsets you, I am happy to change the subject and inform those of you who don't know that the former president of the youth League broke wind this week ... sorry ... sorry ... I am being childish.

Actually this week he broke his silence for the first time since being booted out of the mighty ANC and he spoke out at the Gordon Institute of Business Science (GIBS). Donald must be kleibing naches big time.

Malema has two new shticks.

The first is to say that he and his chinas were not expelled by the ANC per se but by - read my lips, hon - "politically motivated individuals" for political reasons. The expulsion had no connection with the actual charges - "the national disciplinary committee (NDC) had been instructed to achieve something else, not discipline ..."

You are with me, aren't you? You do GEDDIT (as EE Cummings would have written it), don't you? This is pretty much the line that JG Zuma took after Thabo Mbeki gave him the polished boot.

Second one from the lips of the recondite Malema goes like this (courtesy of Sapa):  "Expelled ANC Youth League president Julius Malema would not mind if fraud and corruption charges against President Jacob Zuma were reopened now, he said on Monday.

"'Well, if there is basis for corruption charges to be reinstated and for President Zuma to have his day in court, so be it,' Malema told reporters in Johannesburg. ‘We are all equal before the law. Nobody is above the law.'"

The Sapa reporter, the learned and lovely Jenni Evans, who clearly has almost as fine a grasp of history as Malala, remarked as follows: "In 2008, Malema reacted with outrage to fraud and corruption charges relating to an arms deal being brought against Zuma, saying he would kill for Zuma."

Well, times change. Other than that, I hope Malema has a medical check-up soon. He seems to having various persistent and worrying problems. "My blood is black, green and gold. I will die in the ANC. I will stay and sleep here, outside the gate of the ANC. My umbilical cord was buried here in the ANC."

But Malema hasn't lost his sense of humour. He said that he had never called Zuma a dictator. He had simply been offering an analysis of the ANC leadership, as he had been instructed to do by his elders and betters.

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