A FAMOUS GROUSE

GAUTENG premier Panyaza Lesufi was last week apparently spared a scalding “tongue lashing” by short and shouty ANC secretary-general Fikile Mbalula at a meeting in Luthuli House. This, at least, is according to several press reports. 

Shocked gasps all round and pass the smelling salts, if you please. 

Unnamed but seemingly reliable sources reveal that Mbalula’s carefully crafted plans in this regard — mention was made of a “strongly worded letter” and the reading aloud of a “riot act” in stentorian tones — were scuppered following interventions from a faction led by Paul Mashatile, the deputy president and so-called “Alex Mafia” godfather.  ___STEADY_PAYWALL___

Now it may well be that Lesufi was greatly relieved at being spared such a moist ordeal in the presence of the party’s top brass; he was, after all, on course for an excoriating encounter with the most hyper-kinetic tongue south of the Limpopo and readers were led to believe that the attendant flung spray and blown spume would be off the charts. 

But I suspect not. Can anyone seriously imagine the errant Lesufi even remotely bothered by a reprimand from Mbalula — or by anyone else in the ANC? That old chestnut about being savaged by a dead sheep comes to mind. [1]  

However, and by all accounts, a dressing-down was warranted. Lesufi has gone rogue in a vigorous manner, and his attempts to subvert the Cyril Ramaphosa’s government of national unity — or more correctly, coalition cabinet — have been anything but subtle.

Despite failing to marshal popular resistance to Squirrel’s post-election pact with the Democratic Alliance, Lesufi gamely set about assembling what the Brenthurst Foundation’s Greg Mills and Ray Hartley describe as a “Frankenstein” provincial executive that excluded the DA but included “parts of small parties lying about the room after the Election Day defeat”.

This direct contradiction of the “national imperative”, Mills and Hartley suggest, had little to do with effective governance but presumably ensured that “the taps to contracts remained open”. The ousting of the DA’s Cilliers Brink as Tshwane mayor has been another glaring example of Lesufi’s contemptuous behaviour.

Last Monday’s attempt to discipline the premier not only fell flat, but it appears that, following a presentation of what News24 has termed “the facts”, Mbalula has done a swerving volte face with his busy tongue put to use elsewhere, and in what may be deemed a more flattering way. A day later Shorty told journalists that the Luthuli House meeting had not, in fact, been called to reprimand Lesufi but was rather a “fact-finding mission”, adding:

“That relationship is not broken, and even yesterday, there could have never been any tension or anything to that effect. I’ve got a good relationship with Panyaza. We are not friends. We don’t socialise but we are comrades and we’ve got good relations.”

A busy tongue now clearly forking, for Mbalula’s letter of October 6 summoning Lesufi to Luthuli House had clearly indicated a strained relationship:

“You are accordingly requested to present an explanation to the national officials, on why your public utterances [on a political podcast] should not be considered to be not only in violation of the principle of democratic centralism, but that this inevitably violates the ANC constitution, with the consideration that all NEC decisions are binding to all lower structures.”

A bit rich of Mbalula, you’d think, to talk of “lower structures” having spent most of his political career climbing up on soapboxes in order to be seen by others. But back to the press briefing, where Mbalula continued:

“Comrade Panyaza, like all comrades, presented himself to the national officials as requested and got counselling but, at the same time, got to explain his side of the story. Comrade Panyaza presented himself to the officials of the ANC and provided an explanation that was accepted by the officials.”

Reports that Lesufi, along with KZN leaders Bheki Mtolo and Siboniso Duma, hand been “summoned” to Luthuli House to face disciplinary action, were “unfounded” and a “peddling of lies”, Mbalula said.

The meeting, initially described as “tense”, was now anything but. In fact, proceedings were so cuddly and convivial that Squirrel reportedly said nothing during the meeting and instead chose to fiddle about on his tablet as Lesufi’s supporters complained that, far from censuring the premier, the ANC leadership should be doing more to protect him from attacks by the DA.

But such attacks would not be forthcoming were Lesufi not so crap at his job. Think of all the lousy mayors that Johannesburg has endured in recent months as the city’s infrastructure collapsed. 

It was on Lesufi’s watch that ANC support in the country’s richest province dramatically fell to just 34.75 per cent in the election — down from 50.19 percent in 2019 — while DA support came in at a solid 27.45 per cent. And yet, instead of being shown the door, as one would normally expect, Lesufi is now receiving “counselling” and support from the ANC leadership?

Talk of the populist tail now wagging the dog is not off the mark here, and there’s a distinct possibility that other ANC leaders may follow Lesufi’s example and seek alliances with Jacob Zuma’s MK Party and the EFF mob. More chaos shall surely follow.

Most racist, even more racist, so racist it’s off the charts, etc… 

A bit of pointless flummery has been doing the rounds on social media: an infographic of the “10 most racist governments in the world with the highest racial discrimination index”. 

South Africa came in at number one, followed by Malaysia, Guatemala, Peru, Trinidad and Tobago, Bolivia, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, France and Brazil. No mention, you may note, of India or China. 

But, immediately suspicious, I checked the source of the chart and found — as is so often the case with this sort of Twitter litter — a fair amount of truth-twisting. The survey in question, published on IndexMundi, a site that contains “detailed country statistics, charts, and maps compiled from multiple sources”, was not about government policy but rather “how much racism exists in a given country as perceived by its residents”.

In other words, this is a survey on countries whose citizens whine or moan the most about racism, alleged or otherwise, and South Africa, in all likelihood, could very well top the charts here. This is not to trivialise or ignore the staggering number of racial laws introduced by the ANC government or the fact that most of us still appear to fear and loath one another. 

Labelling any single country as the world’s “most racist” is an oversimplification of any number of complexities and does zip to contribute to constructive dialogue. Besides, there are, for example, academic surveys which suggest that the world’s happiest countries — all Scandinavian — are, in fact, also the most racist.  

However, this really shouldn’t be a competition.

Medical science, etc

Startling news from India where one Sanjay Singh Gangwar, the minister for sugarcane in Uttar Pradesh [2], has revealed to The Times of London that, among their many extraordinary properties, cows are able cure cancer simply through their “positive aura and energy”. 

Gangwar is a member of prime minister Narendra Modi’s ultra-nationalist Bharatiya Janata Party. Given the central role of the humble cow in Indian society, it’s not surprising that the animal has been roped in to promote the BJP’s brand of Hindu extremism and that its veneration should be so pronounced.

The MP has accordingly advocated drinking “filtered” cow urine, a tonic he says he takes on a daily basis, and using cow dung as flooring in village homes. Moreover, anyone suffering from high blood pressure should simply stroke a cow, once in the morning and again in the evening. “If a cancer patient starts cleaning a cowshed and lying there, even cancer can be cured,” he added. “If you burn cow dung cakes, you get relief from mosquitoes. Everything that a cow produces is useful in some way.”

This may all sound like stuff from the business end of a boy cow, but the regulars at the Slaughtered Lamb (“Finest Ales & Pies”) are not so dismissive. They recall all too clearly the extraordinary medical properties of beetroot and the humble African potato. Nature does indeed move in mysterious ways.

Notes:

[1] This being former Labour chancellor Denis Healey’s memorable description in 1978 of debating mild-mannered Tory rival Geoffrey Howe. Margaret Thatcher came in for much stick from Healey as well: “Virago intacta”, “la Pasionaria of privilege” and “That bloody woman.” Such scorn was also directed at members of his own party, and Healey once said of John Prescott, later deputy prime minister under Tony Blair: “He has the face of a man who clubs baby seals.” Healey’s own “first law of politics”, meanwhile, holds true to this day: “When you’re in a hole, stop digging.”

[2] There really is such a thing as a sugarcane minister. Uttar Pradesh has more than 50 ministers. Portfolios include animal husbandry, political pensions and, oddly enough, medical education.