OUT TO LUNCH

There’s an episode of ‘Seinfeld’ where Jerry Seinfeld complains about the stand up comedian coming on before him telling the jokes he was about to tell.

Look, I have to admit to being a bit of a saddo on this one. I had never really watched much Seinfeld before but when the whole nine series of the show became available on Netflix during lockdown I tuned in.

The chief benefit was that the show was just over 20 mins long so ideal for a bit of brain calming before bedtime (with blue light filter glasses obviously) but it was also funny and had a brilliant cast. I have to also admit that I always found Julia Louis-Dreyfus who plays Elaine unbelievably sexy so that was a damn good reason for tuning in.

I feel a bit like Jerry Seinfeld this weekend after reading William Saunderson-Meyer’s chilling column last Saturday.

I had this whole plot in my mind for my Sunday scribbling of the Tuesday column and suddenly I have to think of a new line. But, hopefully I can expand on it because South Africa is poised to sink ever lower.

William asks whether the ANC will walk if they lose the election in 2024? My opening line was to be…. have you ever tried to take a bone away from a Rottweiler?

Not to be recommended I assure you and as a former Rottie owner you would be ill advised to even try and move the food bowl during feeding time. Much the same applies to the criminal syndicate known as the ANC currently bleeding the country dry. ___STEADY_PAYWALL___

Whether you’re talking about Western Cape independence or the possible loss of votes in a 2024 election the same rule applies. Those with their greedy snouts nearest to the food bowl will be most upset. They won’t throw their hands in the air and claim it was a free and fair election which they lost.

Never in your wildest woke dreams will they do that. They will mobilise criminal elements to ‘eliminate’ those who garnered more votes and they will hang on to power for dear life; as they already do at municipal level.

The real question though is whether South Africa will still exist in a recognisable form in 2024. Many media commentators confidently predict that the ANC will lose power in 2024 elections but that assumes elections will be held.

One must never rule out the possibility that elections would have to be ‘indefinitely postponed’ due to the Grand Command Council’s ruling that the ‘volatile situation in the country’ makes it impossible to hold democratic elections at the moment.

This decision (to protect democracy obviously) would be upheld by one of the many government appointed bodies to ensure transparency. We’ve seen this sort of nonsense already in some of the more absurd decisions from the Orwellian doublethink named ‘public protector’ and from the SA Human Rights Commission.

These organisations and their well-paid lackeys depend for their very existence on the blessing of the ANC’s top ranking mafiosi so why on earth would they rule against the piper who is playing the tune?

But the real issue surely is whether we can cope with another two years of ANC economic sabotage. Will we even be around to hold an election, even a joke one, in 2024? Things aren’t looking too rosy.

The next wave of chaos to hit South Africa is surely going to be a fuel shortage with the possibility of fuel rationing. According to our mainstream media many of our refineries are now out of commission,

sabotaged or underperforming. This suggests that delivery of fuel to your local filling station may be something of a hit and miss affair before too long.

Naturally the ANC will leap into action by making sure they stockpile fuel for essential cadres. But for the rest of us it will become a bit like Sri Lanka is now. And, believe me, the parallels between what has happened in Sri Lanka and what is happening in SA now are horribly similar.

So let’s assume the pumps run dry at the petrol stations rather as the electricity supply has run short over the past few weeks. Will the taxi drivers who depend on driving a taxi for their livelihood just take it on the chin and say it is what it is? More likely they will go on a violent rampage burning everything in sight with their remaining petrol stocks.

How will logistics companies transport food? How will the vast majority of economically active South Africans who rely on private transport to lead their daily lives cope? No trips to school, to work, no trips to the now empty shelved shops and tourism dealt a death knell.

Fortunately, the roads will be much quieter so the blue light escorts of our VVIP politicians won’t need to push so many people off the road as they ferry their inspired leaders to yet another meeting with a Johnnie Walker Blue bottle.

I have had many people tell me that I have become far too pessimistic over the past few months but sadly many of my worst case scenarios have already become reality. It’s simply a matter of joining the dots and if you look at the disastrous state of South Africa at the moment it’s difficult to put on a smiley face and pretend that things can only get better. Even Oom Max du Preez has finally realised that we are up shit creek without a paddle. Took him 28 years admittedly but we must welcome his late arrival.

Take the inspired decision reported this week to set up a second government owned energy producer in competition to Eskom, the current part time energy producer. This brilliant suggestion from Gwede Mantashe, has apparently met with the approval of Pres Frogboiler. Competition would be a wonderful thing but if both competing companies are owned by the same utterly useless government shareholder what would be the point?

The same rules of inefficiency and corruption that have applied to Eskom would surely apply to Son of Eskom. But that’s probably the whole point isn’t it and electricity production is not really the issue at all.

Early estimates suggest it might take R2 trillion to set up an Eskom rival which is R2 trillion we don’t have and money which would be better spent upgrading what we already do have. On the other hand, there’s a lot of potential tenderpreneur backhanders possible in that budget.

When the CEO of the country is so far out of touch with reality one really has to worry. Although, in fairness to Frogboiler, he was playing to the crowd at the South African Communist Party shindig in Brakpan last week dressed in his ANC coloured leather biker jacket and schmoozing the gullible mob in front of red flags with hammers and sickles waiting for the collapse of capitalism.

An odd sight for a man with a personal wealth estimated by Forbes magazine at over $600mln dollars but that irony was completely lost on the assembled commies it seems. Just as the irony of former secretary-general Blade Nzimande representing the ‘pipple’ while driving around in a luxury BMW 750i was lost on them.

So, having put his stamp of approval on a party that unashamedly wants to destroy the capitalist system and who is still unable to come up with a good reason why he has dollar bills stuffed into his soft furnishings, how confident do you feel about the future of South Africa under Pres Frogboiler? And will we even make it to 2024? I have serious doubts.

(Footnote: As this column was about to be sent EWN reported that the Frogboiler had backed down on his enthusiasm for the Son of Eskom project suggested by Gwede Mantashe. There are only two possible explanations for this. Firstly, he didn’t understand a word Mantashe was saying but didn’t want to alienate him so just nodded and agreed.

Secondly, he did understand what Mantashe had said but as he was addressing the commies in Brakpan he wanted tell them what they wanted to hear; even though he knew it was a pile of horse manure. Sadly, the Frogboiler is known to tailor his public addresses to what he thinks his audience that day wants to hear. Not the best way to win the voter’s confidence alas)

***

I received a bit of flak on Twitter recently for suggesting that I am now actively discouraging friends and family from visiting South Africa this year to celebrate a milestone birthday. Apparently, I’m far too bearish and everything is going to be just fine. One accuser told me we need tourism in this country and my Tweet was irresponsible. The first part I agree with. Of course, we need tourism in this country and in one of his more lucid moments Pres Frogboiler admitted that it would be a great contributor to foreign earnings. But how can you possibly, in good conscience, suggest that friends and family spend their hard earned money on inflated airfares to come to a country which is seemingly on the brink of collapse and may have no guarantee of electricity? The riposte to that was the exchange rate makes us a very desirable destination and that is true.