BLAME the Democratic Alliance. The first sitting of the National Assembly of the Fifth Democratic Parliament was meant to have been a day where procedures fell in the "largely ceremonial" category. That is, millinery madness and eye-gougingly awful fashion - and really not much else.

First order of business was the swearing in of MPs. All eyes here were on the newbies, the 25 members of the Economic Freedom Fighters, all but one of whom were dressed in red overalls or domestic worker uniforms. But more of that later.

Then came the appointment of the Speaker of the National Assembly. This should have seen ANC national chair Baleka Mbete being appointed unopposed. This was the case when the greatly respected Max Sisulu got the job in 2009. And so there was great applause from the ruling party benches when ANC MP Pamela Tshwete nominated Mbete. Done and dusted, you'd have thought.

But no. The DA's shadow minister of agriculture, forestry and fisheries, Annette Steyn, rose to nominate Nosimo Balindlela, prompting a wave of jeers from the ANC benches.

Balindlela seemed a good choice. The Speaker is tasked with ensuring an orderly flow of business and must act impartially to protect the rights of all parties. Given that she'd already been a member of several in her career, who could be more impartial than Balindlela? She had resigned as Eastern Cape premier in July 2008, and in November that year left the ANC to join the Congress of the People. Four years later she joined the DA. How long before she was running with the Effniks?

Nevertheless, she was a spanner in the works, and Chief Justice Mogoeng Mogoeng called for a secret vote.

Alas, no-one had anticipated this - it was as if the appointment of someone steeped in Zuma stooginess would be accepted all and sundry just sommer - and consequently no-one had given a thought to providing ballot papers.

Mogoeng ordered a break in proceedings while these forms were being printed up somewhere in the building. Perhaps that is how things work in the Constitutional Court. A judge orders something and 20 minutes later it's done.

But not here. As Dianne Kohler Barnard, the shadow police minister, told a couple of journalists (much later): "The Chief Justice is not really au fait with how things work in Parliament."

The House rose and dawdled. Members stretched their legs. Trade and Industries Minister Rob Davies' continuing battle with his wardrobe was noted. Today it was an ill-fitting suit of a greeny-beige hue. His wardrobe was evidently badly wounded in the mêlée. Minister of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries Minister Tina Joemat-Petterson's chequered skirt and jacket resembled a crossword puzzle grid. Very striking, it says here in my notebook. There was some discussion about the exact colour of Defence and Military Veterans Minister Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nquakula's dress. Which was a sort of luminous yellowy lime green. Bouncing castles came to mind.

The minutes dragged by. Lunch hour came and went. Up in the press gallery it was time to reflect on the silly hats. Ordinarily, the award for weirdness here would go to Winnie Madikizela-Mandela. But she was still in a period of traditional mourning for her late ex-husband so her outfit and headscarf - all black - was markedly sombre and quite conservative.

Top marks, then, went to the Effniks. The berets were expected but the headscarves and hard hats were the clinchers. Oddly, the EFF MPs with the new red construction worker helmets were told to remove them, while those with the doeks and berets could keep them on. Perhaps there are rules about this, and sitting MPs are not permitted to resemble people who actually laboured - like a gang of municipal sewage workers.

Still, it was good to see the Effniks had made an effort. Their uniforms were crisp and ironed, their Wellington boots gleaming and un-muddied.

They have admittedly much to learn about the sort of civility expected at Parliament. There's nothing wrong with dramatic entrances, but really it's not on for bodyguards to jostle and roughly shove reporters out of the way. Even if they're small women. (Perhaps they were in the way. Reporters do that sort of thing. But then they've also got a job to do.)

During the lengthy break, I sought out the commander-in-chief, Julius Malema, for a brief comment on his impressions of the day and a simple "yes" or "no" about a rumour that the Effniks would be abstaining in the Speaker vote. Nothing too fancy or complicated. No trickery, you understand.

I found him sprawled on a seat outside the old Assembly hall with Floyd Shivambu and a few other Effniks. He was in a particularly foul mood and was not prepared to speak to me. Instead he gave me one of those death ray glares and his lips went thin. "There will be a press conference later," Shivambu said. "We will talk then."

Then Malema muttered to the guy next to him: "Where are the guards? Can you call these people to bring me my food?"

So is the bad temper a low blood sugar thing?

At about 4pm, the results came through. Mbete was elected Speaker with 260 votes while Balindlela got 88. There are 400 seats in Parliament - maybe the Effniks hadn't voted after all.

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