I WISH people would stop trying to tell me what to do. I don’t mean my wife telling me not to have another glass of whiskey. I’m talking about those people who have appointed themselves nannies to everyone else.

They’re the ones who tell us that we shouldn’t be smoking because smoking is dangerous.

I agree that we don’t have the right to harm anyone else’s health, but if I feel like lighting up a cigarette or cigar, knowing full well the risks that come with that, then I should be allowed to!

These safety and health freaks don’t just want us to stop smoking. Now they’re also going on about how we shouldn’t be eating sugar or bread.

And if you think that they’re only obsessed with keeping humans “safe”, think again . . .

They have also appointed themselves the guardians of all animals.

There are animal rights groups that want to make it illegal to keep any animal for any reason, whether it be a herding dog or the cows or chickens that give us meat and eggs.

But the worst one I’ve ever seen is Beauty Without Cruelty, who really, really don’t want you to enjoy bacon.

They are furious about something called Baconfest, which happened in Cape Town this weekend.

It’s an event where people can enjoy all sorts of mouth-watering pork dishes.

The menu includes mini pork and bacon pizza, crackling, mealies wrapped in bacon and a lot of other things.

I know a lot of people don’t eat pork for cultural or religious reasons, but I’m not one of them.

I respect their right to abstain from these delicious snacks, but I also want to be left alone to enjoy them.

This makes me, in the words of Beauty Without Cruelty’s Toni Brockhoven, an “indulgent glutton”.

Apparently, I’m not realising that, as she put it, “pigs are curious and insightful animals . . . who are smarter than dogs and every bit as friendly, loyal and affectionate”.

She forgot to mention that they’re also very, very delicious. If dogs were as tasty, I’m sure people would be eating them too.

They do that in some Eastern countries, don’t they?

Anyway, this entire situation has me worrying that one day we will be living in a total nanny state.

It’s the sort of place where the government is completely overprotective, interfering with your personal freedoms and choices, all in the name of keeping you safe.

Some nannies even want us to stop playing soccer because heading a ball could cause brain injuries. And other people are saying we shouldn’t even watch or play rugby because it will make us violent.

If you ask me, it’s just a way for the power hungry to excuse their desire to control everyone else.

They can all go to hell!

We have to do whatever we can to stop these nannies from taking away our right to choose how we want to live.

SOME of us like to drink, or smoke, or eat doughnuts and delicious, freshly slaughtered meat. But if we let people like Beauty Without Cruelty have their way, then we will all only be allowed to eat those terrible vegetarian hamburgers and drink tap water.

I know we have some really good water in Mzansi, but it just doesn’t compare to a good beer or whiskey, does it?

Well, to celebrate my freedom while I still have it, I’m going to have a tasty meal of meat and pap now, and wash it down with two big beers.

I may even have a smoke later while watching some soccer.

To the animal who died to fill my belly, all I can say is: “Thank you for tasting so good!”

Do you agree that too many people are trying to control us, all while pretending that it’s for our own good?) Let me know by sending an email to: [email protected]

Until next week, salani kahle!

This article first appeared in the Sunday Sun.