A FAMOUS GROUSE
NO word yet, alas, from Cyril Ramaphosa on the formation of his new Cabinet. Some time back, maybe 24 to 36 hours ago, Eyewitness News reported that, according to ANC spokeswoman Mahlengi Bhengu-Motsiri, an announcement was perhaps likely in the next 24 to 36 hours. Then again, as it turned out, perhaps not.
But then News24 reported that Squirrel would probably make his “all-important Cabinet announcement on Thursday”, an indication that the intense, behind-the-scenes horse-trading for ministerial posts between the ruling party and the Democratic Alliance was ongoing.
This came as a bit of a relief for the commentariat. For several days they had been glued to the news wires, growing grumpy and grimy, anxiously waiting the outcome of the negotiations and gnawing away in the interim at supposedly leaked documents and rumoured portfolio demands. Now we had an opportunity to freshen up with a change of clothing and perhaps turn our attention to what has been described as “the official opposition”. ___STEADY_PAYWALL___
Sworn in on Tuesday, more than a week after MPs from other parties had done so, the 58 members of Jacob Zuma’s uMkhonto we Sizwe gang represented what can best be described as the barrel scrapings of the nation’s lunatic fringe.
They took their oath of office still convinced that they had won the election with nothing less than a comfortable two-thirds majority. MK’s decision to end its parliamentary boycott “does not, in any way, signify an acceptance” of the result, spokesman Nhlamulo Ndhlela said.
In this regard, the party has yet to provide any evidence of irregularities or voter fraud. Not that the absence of proof matters where their brand of populism is concerned; bang on long enough with the lie, and it will eventually be regarded as the truth. So it goes.
More interestingly, we now have an embittered bigot as the official leader of the opposition. Ndhlela declared that MK was “proud” to appoint the disgraced former judge, John Hlophe, as its parliamentary leader and, laughably, praised him as an “impeccable jurist and seasoned activist”.
This is an interesting career assessment of the first judge to be removed from office in post-apartheid South Africa. His ousting, in March this year, as Judge President of the Western Cape High Court division, followed many years of “seasoned” activism in which he habitually accused various colleagues of racism.
According to a noseweek report, one such occasion took place in 2005 where he told a junior attorney, “You’re nothing but a piece of white shit and it’s time you go back to Holland.” Hlophe denied this, but a senior advocate who had been present and had heard the exchange signed an affidavit to this effect which was attached to a formal complaint laid by the Cape Bar against Hlophe at the Judicial Service Commission.
More controversially, in 2008, two Constitutional Court judges accused Hlophe of having attempted to improperly influence their judgment in corruption matters involving then president Jacob Zuma. After a lengthy legal ding-dong, the JSC found Hlophe guilty of gross misconduct in August 2021, and the National Assembly resolved to impeach him in February this year.
How bizarre, then, his entry to parliament and his oath to “obey, respect and uphold the Constitution and all other laws of the republic”, a legal system, according to a Sunday Times report, that he doesn’t hold in much regard.
Addressing a meeting of the newly launched African Legal Professionals Association in Durban, Hlophe laid out his objections to what his leader, Convict Number One, has described as the law of “Roman and Dutch people”, which was imposed on the country by colonialists:
“I call it a legal ‘shitstem’ which was introduced and everything else changed, the result is that the laws in our courts, which we have mastered by the way... It was imposed upon us and forced down our throats.”
Calling for the “Africanisation” of the legal system, he added, “After all, law is about regulating human behaviour... What is needed is that the law must be the reflection of aspirations, the beliefs and the value systems of the majority of the country. The [Roman Dutch] legal system that is applicable was imposed upon us, period. I don’t care what your political views are, I am just telling the honest truth.”
The honest truth may be a rare commodity with the MK when you consider some of Hlophe’s party colleagues. They include Black First Land First leader Andile Mngxitama, the “nepo-baby” Duduzile Zuma-Sambudla and Des van Rooyen, whose (extremely) brief tenure as finance minister earned him the sobriquets of “Two-Minute Noodle” and “Weekend Special”.
It could have been worse, I suppose. Rumour had it that Prasa’s Lucky Montana was to have been there, among the MK MPs to be sworn in. Ditto Brian Molefe, Tom Moyane and Nathi Nhleko, the former public works minister who brought us the world-renowned Nkandla firepool. All Guptured flunkies who featured prominently in the Zondo commission of inquiry and who were mercifully absent on Tuesday.
Ominously, there have been claims that the ANC is “said to be ramping up talks” with MK along with Julius Malema’s EFF. Who knows what the future holds with these disaffected malcontents waiting in the wings?
Muddied oafs
In football news, meanwhile, an underperforming England side have advanced to the knockout stage of Euro 2024. These are anxious times for fans — and more so for women in abusive relationships. Research by the University of Lancaster reveals that incidents of domestic violence increase by as much as 38 per cent when England lose a match. Rates are also 26 per cent higher when the team wins or draws.
Such appalling behaviour is however rare in the homes of rugby fans, especially those who support the Springboks. Our abuse is instead directed at referees. Or so Stephen Jones, the rugby correspondent for the The Sunday Times, would have his readers believe.
Much of his match report on the South Africa-Wales test in London was spent dismissing the encounter as “effectively meaningless and a giant money-collection event”. The match was a home game for the Boks, so the gate’s spoils went to SA Rugby. (Ka-ching!) The fact that Wales were soundly beaten (41-13) may have added to the rancour, for Jones went on to write:
“And there may be more [than] a few of us who really wondered if the RFU at Twickenham was ever contemplating refusing to let the South Africans stage their game. Everyone knows that money is everything — it comes ahead of rugby in rugby circles and has done for years.
“But to refuse was surely a way for English rugby to raise objections. People closely involved in the correct circles say that there has never been an apology issued by Rassie Erasmus, the South Africa head coach, or by the South African Rugby Union for the shocking threats and abuse of Wayne Barnes and his family after Barnes refereed perfectly well a defeat of the Springboks by France in 2022. There was not a single comment or expression of regret, that the wife of Barnes was subjected to sexual threats.
“And also the incident where Bongi Mbonambi, the South Africa hooker, allegedly abused Tom Curry, the England flanker, during the World Cup. The caterwauling from Mbonambi’s supporters and his own excuses left a nasty taste and weren’t remotely dealt with by World Rugby.”
Oh dear. Here we are, well underway with preparations for 2027, and Jones is still banging on about the last World Cup. There was a snide aside, too, concerning the Bok fans’ enduring fondness for the tired and cliched spectacle that is Mexican Wave. But what on earth does he mean by “people closely involved in the correct circles”? This is an oddly classist attitude for a Welshman to adopt. (Perhaps he has been captured?)
But whatever. Here at the Slaughtered Lamb (“Finest Ales & Pies”) we recall a report published on 14 May last year in which Jones described sevens rugby as being a bit like the Eurovision song contest: gaudy and fun, but not to be taken too seriously. “Yesterday at Twickenham, nearly 50 000 were expected for the London leg of the HSBC World Sevens series,” he wrote. “What is more, Twickenham say they expect 25 000 to attend today for the finals…”
Only problem though was that the London leg took place the following weekend — that is, on 20 and 21 May. Jones had somehow travelled a week into the future to cover the event and then whizzed back in time to hack out his piece, a remarkable feat even for a sports reporter.
The Sunday Times hastily withdrew the story. Needless to say, Jones can expect much in the way of caterwauling should he ever swing by the Lamb for a pint.
