A FAMOUS GROUSE
ABOUT ten years ago, I visited China to write something anodyne about its tourism attractions and thus prompt readers to take advantage of the package deal advertised alongside my purple prose.
I did the country in ten days: in Shanghai, a tea ceremony on the Bund and a short cruise up the Yangtze; in Beijing, trips to the Great Wall and the Forbidden City; in Xian, the spring baths at Huaqing Palace and, naturally, the Terracotta Army of Qin Shi Huang, the first emperor of China.
Along the way, I was revered as a living god by old women who, upon learning I was born in the Year of the Pig, would rub my belly for luck. “Happy Buddha man!” they’d gleefully shout as I pressed coins into their palms.
My guide was, alas, not as deferent. Foreign agents, she insisted, were behind the Tiananmen Square protests. Worse still, the prices at the Tian yi Jade Factory were not as cheap as she’d promised. (The factory, I suspected, may have employed many of her relatives.)
There were some genuine surprises, like the hotel sign which warned that prostitutes and gambling were not permitted in our rooms after 11pm, that we may not wash our hair in the toilet, and that under no circumstances could we store radioactive material on the premises.