Revolution on the golf course
14 September 2020
Emotions were running high at the Annual General Meeting of the Equality Golf Club. Glibb Coetzee, local human rights attorney, addressed the meeting: “Chair, this golf club is becoming the symbol of inequality in the country. It’s a shame!” A few applauded and others nodded the head. Everyone knows about Glibb’s good intentions. The Chairperson tried again: “Glibb, it’s a tragedy that Golf Heights’s champion committed suicide after losing, but it’s really most exceptional.” “Exceptional?” Glibb bellowed. “It’s the result of inequality – the umpteenth case in the world of golf this year! Media experts are claiming that golf will die if things carry on like this”.
Mr Clever, the local newspaper guy, looked down modestly when he felt all eyes were on him. He is the ‘media experts’ referred to. Glibb carried on: “This so-called exception could have been prevented if only there had been more equality and justice in golf. We have to act now to prevent another tragedy. Now!” “But golf has a handicap system that gives weaker players an equal opportunity,” the Chair said in a semi-pleading voice”. “Equal opportunity is not real equality yet,” Glibb said threateningly. “I demand equal scores”.
The Chairperson wished the meeting were a thing of the past. He is a chicken farmer. Chickens only lay eggs and do not stand for their rights. “Glibb, so what do you really want?” he asked wearily. “We need a Charter of Golf Rights,” Glibb said with a sense of importance. “Is that not communist?” Oudominee, the retired reverend, wanted to know. “Don’t be ridiculous,” Felix, the ponytailed retired local philosopher muttered. “Silence please,” Clever said, leaning forward in his chair. He was smelling a story. If only he could publish something the Equality News he would count again. (For a moment he wondered whether that would not be unequal.)
Charter of golf rights