There's a moment - I don't know if you also recall it - towards the end of The Silence of the Lambs, when Clarice Starling sees Hannibal Lecter for the last time. She implores him for a clue to the identity of "Buffalo Bill," the man who's been killing and skinning women. And they have the following conversation:
Lecter: First principles, Clarice. Simplicity. Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing ask: what is it in itself? What is its nature? What does he do, this man you seek?
Starling: He kills women...
Lecter: No. That is incidental. What is the first and principal thing he does? What needs does he serve by killing?
Starling: Anger, um, social acceptance, and, huh, sexual frustrations, sir...
Lecter: No! He covets. That is his nature. And how do we begin to covet, Clarice? Do we seek out things to covet? Make an effort to answer now.
Starling: No. We just...
Lecter: No. We begin by coveting what we see every day. Don't you feel eyes moving over your body, Clarice? And don't your eyes seek out the things you want?
I was cogitating on this passage and thinking about Melanie "good breast/ bad breast" Klein, a complicated shrinkette if ever there was one, who wrote the book, literally and figuratively, on covetousness and envy: Envy and Gratitude, not to mention Love, Guilt and Reparation.
My musings came in the wake of Sunday's "revelation" about President Jacob G Zuma having engendered a 20th child because .....because, geez, have you ever encountered, listened to or read such an outpouring of pathetic, heart-tearing envy in your life?
From Redi Direko on Radio 702, to Justice Malala and Phylicia Oppelt in The Times, to Helen Zille in Cape Town (well, sort of expected it from her), to the Rev KRJ Meshoe, MP, of the ACDP and the whinnying legal expert Pierre de Vos, what a bunch of Mother Grundys...!
Let's get a few things in perspective, shall we? We Africans are, as Alex Shoumatoff wrote 22 years ago, a sex-positive bunch. We like to slip, and to receive, what the late Frank Zappa, may his memory be blessed, referred to as the big chiluga. We're a fun-loving bunch. As far as I can tell, everyone, everyone, in this country - except me, and maybe not my wife - is going at it like a jack rabbit.
My son has joined a soccer academy and I have had to spend some time recently at the big mother of Virgin Active gyms in Johannesburg - Old Ed's - and, boy, o baby, what a collection of bodies! What buttocks, what arms, what glistening, sweaty and perspiring limbs, what proud balconies - and all of it clearly on display. Why? Because they want to get fit? Keep diabetes type 2 at bay?
Yeah, partially - but mainly, let's be frenk (as we say in SA), because they all want to be on show: it's a 21st century, urban, mating ritual. Crowd into this big hall with a bunch of other sweaty humans in a state of undress ... and wop-bop-a-loo-bop you might be slipping or receiving the big chiluga pretty soon. Goodness, before you know it, you might even be making a little nest and starting a family.
This being the case, why the righteousness and fuss about JZ slipping the big chiluga when opportunity knocks?
It's envy, I tell you. Now there is what I call positive envy. For example, I envy Zuma, but I envy him admiringly: I should be so lucky as to be making babies when I'm 67. I can hardly get out of bed, let alone go through the necessary gymnastics of making the beast with two backs.
However, the folks mentioned above, they have fallen prey to negative envy. They just don't want Zuma to have a good time. There is just something about the man that goes straight up people's noses (I speak metaphorically, you understand).
The media has gone so overboard for the past seven or so months being good to Zuma that such people have been left bewildered and bereft - and then, boom, we learnt on Sunday that Zuma had another so-called love child (shouldn't they be called sex children?). All was well again, the polar star was in the right place, they heaved a sigh of relief, and they could return to attacking the poor fellow.
Direko became holier-than-thou because, according to her, Zuma is, as president, the embodiment of our national values and principles.
Redi, hon, if I want someone to be my moral avatar, I'll look to the chief rabbit (as my children used to call the chief rabbi when they were small), or maybe the local priest, or - if you want to me to be serious - a truly moral person such as Paul Verryn. Zuma is the president of the ANC and therefore the president of the country - all the result of a process that has precious little to do with values and principles. I'm not saying that's a good thing; I'm merely remarking that that's real life.
Or listen to Oppelt. "If [Zuma] was [she meant "were"] anyone but the president ... I would have ... written him off as a dirty old man who has more sperm than brain cells." (What wit! What a turn of phrase!) Why is a person of 67 who wants to have sex with someone he likes and apparently to have babies "a dirty old man"? Why does the desire to slip the big chiluga suggest there are no brain cells? This is just thoughtless rubbish; and, gadzooks, it goes on, growing progressively more moronic.
"What is [Zuma's] message to [the younger generation?" Oppelt asks rhetorically. "Take whoever [she meant "whomever"] you want, have sex however you want, and behave in any manner you want because there are no consequences to immoral and irresponsible behaviour".
This is unadulterated poppycock. What is immoral and irresponsible about making love to someone you like and making a baby? What is this "take whoever you want" nonsense? Are we to understand that his partner - apparently a "bank executive" - had no say in the matter? What is this "have sex however you want"? Listen, this might come as a surprise to Phylicia and to Zackie Achmat and to Nathan Geffen, but there are some people who - having established that neither of them has HIV - and maybe having established that they would like a child - choose not to use a condom.
But enough. Headline of the saga goes to The Star yesterday: "Zuma told to come clean". Guys, he did come clean - and straight and true. Spear of the nation.
And remember, it's not Zuma's love life that matters. It's the economy, stupid; and the justice system, and Julius Malema, and our education woes, and our health woes. Those are the areas where indignation and righteousness are called for.
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