WE were squirreling through the news, here at the Mahogany Ridge, looking for some of that Mexican journalism President Jacob Zuma is so fond of, when a pull quote leapt at us from the front page of Thursday's The Times: "Probably you will find a lot of happiness among blacks . . . a funeral is a feast all day."
"Caramba!" as any Mexican worth his salt would say. "Quien dijo que?" The answer, of course, is statistician-general Pali Lehohla, when he was reporting to parliament's portfolio committee this week on recent national mortality and general household surveys.
Although what Lehohla had to say was probably not very Mexican, its emphasis on racial differences did seem uniquely South African, and perhaps we could draw some comfort from that. At least we know where we are when it comes to the colour of the next man. In a nutshell, or the way it was reported, was simply this: hypertension-related illnesses like strokes and heart attacks kill far more white people than black people because, according to Lehohla, many white people are unhappy.
He attributed this to the diet of white people, which was high in fats, their lack of exercise and - ominously - their cultural habits. "[It is] consumption patterns," he said. "[White people's] eating habits are quite different from the eating habits of other populations groups, particularly the blacks."
It's a pity that Lehohla did not elaborate further. Heritage Day will soon be upon us, and the supermarkets are urging the general population to get out there and burn meat in a display of national unity. Will the health minister, Aaron Motsoaledi, now launch a campaign about the risks of breathing in passive fat from second-hand braai smoke?
More interestingly, Lehohla did suggest that black people - who die in great numbers from infectious diseases such as Aids and tuberculosis - were not as susceptible to hypertension because, as The Times put it, "of the closer cultural relationships and equality between black South Africans". Ah, ubuntu. So warm and caring.