POLITICS

J'accuse: An open letter to Francois Hollande

TOPIC: J'ACCUSE - OPEN LETTER TO FRENCH PRESIDENT FRANCOIS HOLLANDE.

Dear President Francois Hollande.

I refer to your presidential visit to South Africa this week.

Firstly, for the sake of transparency, let me declare upfront my interest in what I am about to write about you: I do not welcome your visit to South Africa this week. In fact, I am totally opposed to it. I really think your visit is ill-advised. I truly think your French policy towards Africa stinks to high heavens. If I had the power, you would not set your feet in my country, and if you did, as you are going to, I would throw you into the sea to be swallowed by a whale, like biblical Daniel, to take you back to Normandy beach, in the hope that such a marine experience would so frighten you, that you would never want to visit Africa again, at least as long as you remain French president.

In a word, you are really not welcome to visit SA, Mr. President, at least in my book.

In fact, if I really had Superman's powers, I would declare you persona non grata (PNG) across the whole of Africa. If, like a believer in Hinduism, I could choose what to be reincarnated into in my afterlife today, in time for your visit this week to my country, I would reincarnate myself as former American president Monroe, and declare the Monroe Doctrine over all of Africa, to prevent your types from ever abusing and taking for granted our beloved, ancient African continent again.

You are lucky that there are no Monroes amongst the crop of African leaders today, who could show you the bold African sign reading: THE RIGHT OF ENTRY IS RESERVED.

This is because I consider you and John Kerry, the US Secretary of State, two of the ugly white men of the 21st century. By ugly white men, I am not referring to your physical attributes, although both of you have enough of these to recommend you for the expression. About this I shall make only a cursory mention of below, quoting from a renowned journalist. But I shall resist the temptation to go that undignified route full throttle, tempting though it is to do so, for it will trivialize the negative sentiment I hold about you, which I am about to express and share with you in this open letter, and to go that route will also demean my African ancestors and me in the process. The utterance of such an expression by me about your looks would also detract and deduct from the bedrock of my ethical beliefs, which is the African Ubuntu. Lastly, I am not using the term "ugly white men" in the way people would sarcastically use the term "ugly Jew" in the past to refer to the former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon.

I am using the term rather in the sense Ben Mezrich would write about "ugly Americans" in an eponymous book. I am using the term for its intended insurgent political meaning and significance. These political meaning and significance stem from your recent impermissible warmongering, in which you and John Kerry indulged and excelled, at the pleasure of US president Barack Obama's threatened, but for now aborted, war against the Syrian regime of President Bashar al-Assad.

And you really want me to believe you are a "French socialist"? Perish the thought. The impression I have gained of you is that you are just a wily political careerist and a ruthless, unabashed ideological opportunist who adorns himself with the term "French socialist" to advance your personal power ambitions and your craving for personal glory. What is "French socialist" about your FrancaAfrique policy? You tell me.

You have defiled socialism by your warmongering on Mali and Syria, Mr. President Hollande.

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