I've always had a sort of narcissistic affection, though affection is too strong a word, for James "Jimmy" Selfe, the DA MP, DA federal executive chairman, and shadow minister of prisons, or Correctional Services, if you want to be PC. I say narcissistic because his lean, mean eagle-eyed gaze and beard, coupled with his verbal cutting-to-the-chase, have, of course, reminded me of me.

But there are many who would point out that these days I take so long to cut to the chase that the Chase has long disappeared through Calamity Gulch; and, second, that there is nothing at all lean (or mean) about me, least of all my bleary gaze across a cup of Mr Jasper Newton Daniel's best.

More to the point, I once, on this very (virtual) site, affectionately called Selfe "the Svengali" of the DA or something like that - and he was not at all amused. Why is it, I often wonder, that most people don't appreciate my charming sense of humour?

Ah well, you know what I always ask rhetorically (and if you don't, I'm about to tell you). How come the guys who schooled at Diocesan College, Cape Town, are such a humourless bunch of hombres?

Think about it: John Battersby, Howard Barrell (Bar-el, a secret Israeli), Herschelle Gibbs [who he? -Ed.], Tim Noakes (who can't decide between carbs and proteins), Judge Hilary Squires (the only one with a sense of humour), Julian Ogilvie Thompson, Josh Hawks [who he? and is he also eagle-eyed? - Ed.], Raymond Ackerman [surely shome mishtake here? - Ed.], and of course Jimmy Selfe.

Anyway, moving right along.

On Freedom Day, President Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma (who never made it to Diocesan College - they weren't then offering bursaries to boys from Nkandla, so it goes), announced a special remission of sentence. All sentenced inmates, probationers and parolees were granted an effective 18 months remission, excluding those sentenced for aggressive, sexual, firearm and drug-related offences.

According to the learned and long-suffering Sonwabo "Sunny" Mbananga, the DCS minister's spokesman (who, in fairness to him, has a better sense of humour than the okes from Diocesan): "It is projected that approximately 14 651 sentenced inmates will be released conditionally or unconditionally in terms of this process, as well as an approximate 20 855 probationers and parolees. This will reduce the level of overcrowding in correctional centres from 34% to approximately 20%." [I'm not so certain about Sunny's maths; but let's not let the accounting get in the way of a good story, shall we?]

I would like to think - I would love to think - it would give me a certain sense of freedom - I could at last have some well-founded delusions of grandeur, a grande frisson - that the president's announcement flowed, at least partially, from the work done by, among others, the Wits Justice Project (WJP), where I worked from 2009-11, and perhaps even from the private nagging I directed over the months at the DCS minister, Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula, and at the esteemed president through certain of his advisers.

But I think not. It appears, alas, that the president was being as uninventive as ever.

Thus Sunny: "Since 1994, special remissions of sentence have been granted on various occasions: the inauguration of the President Mandela on 10 May 1994, the celebration of the first anniversary of South Africa's democracy on 27 April 1995, in celebration of the 80th birthday of President Mandela on 18 July 1998 and on 30 May 2005 a special remission recognised the strategic direction of the White Paper on Corrections and the commitment of the democratic government to provide offenders with rehabilitative interventions and a second chance to take their place as socially responsible citizens."

So far, so good - well, sort of.

But what does Selfe do about three or four days ago? He announces gloomily that the DA is "in principle opposed to the remission of sentences." (I stress the "three or four days ago" because since then he has tried to temper his grumpiness a little by rationalizing it - see Politicsweb of yesterday, 1 May.)

Even Lukas Muntingh, of the Civil Society Prison Reform Initiative (they really need a sexier moniker), for whom I have a great deal of respect, was begrudging about the proposed remissions.

Yeah, yeah, I know: in all likelihood the DCS is going to mess it up in various ways - because the DCS always cock it up one way or t'other. It's what they do. I have this dog called Yankee who, come hell or high water, will step in the way of oncoming cyclists at Emmarentia Dam; it's what she does; nothing I can do.

Same with the DCS. They're mistakenly going to let out a serial rapist. Or they're not going to do sufficient pre-release counselling. Or, whatever happens, one of these bozos who's released is going to commit some heinous crime and we're all going to be looking up "recidivism" on the Web till we're blue in the face.

And yes indeed, there are much better and more intelligent ways to deal with prison over-crowding. And people such as Muntingh and groups such as the CSPRI and the WJP have good idea of what some of the options are. They require, just to start with, a full overhaul of the so-called justice system, right back to the ways in which bail is handled (or not handled, actually).

But Justice is under pressure and flailing; and the DCS is defensive and a step-child. I would guess that I shall have retired to Bronkhorstspruit (or wherever I have to flee to escape my wife) and be drinking coffee and smoking my pipe on my stoep like an HC Bosman character, before the system gets revamped.

But the thing is: the overcrowding in South African prisons is appalling; it's more frightening than you can imagine, especially in the remand prisons. What goes on in the main remand prisons in this country amounts, in fact, to a daily series of gross human rights violations - and, until someone or some group actually takes the DCS and the government to court, it's not going to change.            

The second thing is this: President Zuma is so un-proactive as a president and leader that ... well, when he does do something positive - and, trust me, doing something to alleviate the overcrowding in SA prisons is positive - then, for heaven's sake, be supportive of the fellow.

The more people - provided, obviously, that they're not a threat to society - that can be gotten out of Seffrican prisons, the better. The remission, flawed though it might be, is actually going to save the lives, literally and figuratively, of a number of young people.

And what did Selfe tell us? "Blanket remission of sentence, such as that announced by President Zuma, diminishes the deterrent effect of sentences."

Oh codswallop, man; most sentences don't have much of a deterrent effect anyway - because there is so little constructive rehabilitative work going on in prisons. Why? Because, among other reasons, there are too many bloody people there - many of whom should not be there anyway. Catch-22, baby.

What else did Selfe tell us? That, horror to trounce all horrors, Schabir Shaik and Jackie Selebi are going to benefit from the blanket remission. Now, that's really going to keep me awake at night.

If the ANC says Right, the DA says Left. If the ANC says Up, the DA says Down. No one seems to want to apply his or her mind (such as it is) any more. But what am I getting so excited about? Politicians are politicians, whatever school they went to.

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