What is it about aspirational South African opposition parties and the names they choose? In the run up to the last general election we had the ANC breakaway party jointly led by Mosiuoa (Terror) Lekota and Mbhazima (are those cigars free?) Shilowa. I thought at the time that it was an odd marriage but it took only a few months to deteriorate to a point that would have made Charles (Arty-choker)Saatchi and Nigella Lawson look like a loving couple by comparison.
The name they chose was Congress of the People which sounds perfectly credible if you say it slowly. So much so that you might even have been tempted to vote for them, despite the lacklustre leadership. Once they became more widely known as COPE though all credibility was blown. Heaven knows which brand guru advised them but surely they could have foreseen that the name would lead to all manner of mockery.
At the height of their organisational struggles I referred to them as COPE LITE but that was mild compared to other unflattering derivations. It soon became pretty apparent that COPE couldn't cope. They couldn't even sort out the infighting within their own ranks so how on earth could they be expected to run a country? Or even a province? No hope for COPE. You see what I mean about it being a name that just invites derision?
Now we have Agang, which is a Sotho word meaning "to build" according to Wikipedia. Nothing wrong with that except that most people won't necessarily remember the significance when some smartarse young journo reports on a bumper bashing at an election rally with the headline "Agang Bang". As a party name it is has all sorts of disadvantages. It doesn't mean anything to most people, it's massively open to sub editorial abuse and it sounds like you're clearing your throat of phlegm when you say it properly.
Which is why I've decided to call my new party the South African Patriotic Alliance or SAPA. That way we can guarantee a mention in the media virtually every day. Followers of this column in its various post Sunday Times incarnations will know that the idea is not entirely new. I have punted it before to great acclaim and I may even have previously called it the South African People's Alliance. I changed my mind about that because I don't want just anyone thinking they're welcome to vote for us at the next election.
Obviously I am the leader of the party at the moment but as membership numbers swell I will be elevating myself to the position of Life Chairman of SAPA and inviting others to do all the hard work.