POLITICS

Why was Makhanya pushed (upstairs)?

Jeremy Gordin asks whether Luthuli House finally had had enough

So, our man Mondli Makhanya of the Sunday Times has been well and truly shtupped right up what the late, great Frank Zappa, may his memory be blessed, would have called the poop-shoot - by Avusa Media MD Mike Robertson. He's the fellow with the cute moue of disapproval permanently etched on his sensitive lips. (Shame, man; the horrible part about all this is that Robertson is going to have to look up "moue" in the dictionary.)

But you don't have to take my irritating word for it; there're two very fine pieces on the matter of Makhanya versus Avusa Media by Anton "the harbinger" Harber (see here) and Gill "Grubstreet" Moodie (here).

Now that Makhanya has become an editor of a centre of excellence and a master of a "holistic strategy", he can hang out at Parkview's Scusi with ne'er-do-wells such as the Bullfinch (aka David Bullard) and I.

He'll even have time to have with us what the Bullfinch calls "a fry-up". But - let me stress, Mondli - you can pay for your own Lagavulin doubles this time ...Because the Bullfinch and I are not comparable with Makhanya - or vice-versa. The Bullfinch and I were kicked downstairs and straight out of my lady's chamber while Makhanya has been kicked upstairs. (Anyway, Bullfinch is a racist - he wants to kill all the bores - which of course neither Makhanya nor I is.)

I.e., Makhanya's still going to be getting the boodle, poodle, and while I cannot speak about the Bullfinch's pecuniary situation and resources, I can tell you that Harber doesn't pay me enough to keep Makhanya in the style to which he is accustomed (those Lagavulin doubles).

And it is a style to which Makhanya can remain accustomed - that's the lekker thing about it, as Denis Beckett might have said. Having been skopped upstairs, Mondli may join the august ranks of such people as Peter Sullivan - who spent years "upstairs" (at Independent, however), collecting a very nice salary, sending the occasional e-mail, going on freebie trips to Davos etc, playing a bit of golf, and so on.

That's the life, Mondli, my brother. So don't you be a hero. You hang in, my brother, in your centre of excellence, doing holistic things, until the kids are through school and the bond is paid off. I heard a young editor, present at the Taco Kuiper Awards, say that he would rather be fired than be an editor of a centre of excellence. Don't listen to this sort of braggadocio, Mondli. It is just youth and testosterone; it's Malema stuff; you stay in your job upstairs with Thabo Leshilo, Justice Malala, and all the other fine people "up there".

Talking of which, I hear - it's purely hearsay - that Justice "the sky is falling" Malala was just the slightest bit put out that Ray Hartley, a good solid citizen, has been given the plumb job. Be chilled, Justice; the universe is a place of justice; and, once Phylicia Oppelt is ready, Hartley will also become a holistic wonder and centre of excellence fuehrer.

I wonder what Oppelt has to do to be ready? Well, for one thing, now that she's editor of the daily fish wrap, as the late Andrew Donaldson might have called it, she could stop writing that awful column of hers, in which we hear endlessly about her children and her middle class mores.

But here's what I was wondering about. Neither the learned Harber nor the learned Moodie tell us why Makhanya was pushed over the edge at this juncture. They both refer to falling circulation and wars between Sunday newspapers and such-like.

But I don't buy that. There's no Sunday newspaper out there that can challenge the mighty Times. The learned Harber writes that City Press is pushing to grab more market share and that "Rapport and [The] Sunday Independent also recently appointed new editors". So what? I recently did 3 x 18 push-ups in one session; this doesn't make me Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It's actually a bit odd, if you think about it a little. After some really dismal performances, in the last few months, The Sunday Times has recently had some really great stories. And why has Makhanya been shafted so soon after the demise of young Donaldson in his corduroys, Zulu bra strap and his zombie woof? Do we smell some political shenanigans here, brothers and sisters?

Was, for example, the story about the Zuma love child a bridge too far for the okes at Luthuli House and the Union Buildings? After all, it did fuel the feeding frenzy of the English tabloids and embarrass Msholozi at Buckingham palace. Brenda (aka E2) was probably sniggering much better when she gave our man the Order of the Bath.

And how about the Lakela Kaunda/Jesse Duarte imbroglio? And what about all those Zapiro cartoons over the last few years? Could the subtle fellows at Luthuli House have said to one another that they had had enough of the troublesome 100% percent Zulu boy, Makhanya? And trundled across to Biermann Avenue, Rosebank, with Gwede Mantashe leading the way in a tartan jacket??

Avusa CEO Prakash Desai said Makhanya "would be charged with setting up and running centres of excellence that will produce unique, original and compelling content for all the group's newspapers and websites" as part of a "holistic strategic review".

Mantashe, or one of his spinners, wrote: "In their normal weekly meeting, held yesterday, March 29, 2010, at the ANC Head Office in Luthuli House, the officials of the ANC did a detailed analysis of the current political environment, with particular reference to the emerging racial polarization of our society. In their analysis, the Officials came to the conclusion that the hot debate about the freedom struggle song is a manifestation of a society that has not come to terms with itself."

Is it not clear that there is an overlap between Avusa House and Luthuli House? Isn't Julius Malema writing copy for both? Seems perfectly clear to me.

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