A FAMOUS GROUSE
Jacob Zuma: Humility is his only fault

Perhaps it's the suggestion of summer, but we decided to give the members' lounge at the Mahogany Ridge a bit of a spring cleaning recently. Among the heaps of old newspapers we tossed was one with a rather sad report on an appeal by President Jacob Zuma to critics not to exaggerate his government's failings.

It was no giggling matter, apparently. The kanga snapper was opening the SA Local Government Association's special national conference in Gauteng when he deviated from his prepared speech to launch his angry attack on unnamed commentators who, he felt, should balance their denunciations of his administration with the progress his government has made.

"I hear every day," Zuma reportedly said, "all these clever people are saying that nothing has happened in this country. Nothing. No delivery, nothing. For criticism to be respected, it must be balanced, it must be objective. It cannot be one-sided."

Stranger still, the president went on to suggest that some critics took advantage of his "humble nature" and "sensationalised" their attacks on government. "The criticisms are as if nothing has been done, and it is unfair to the government," he said. "All I am calling for is balanced reporting about the progress we have made. That's all."

That report was dated September 11. If, as they say, a week is a long time in politics, then a month must be another country altogether. Since Zuma's little hissy fit before the country's municipal nobs, we've been told on several occasions and in great detail about the kind of humility and delivery associated with Mr Love Pants.

The obvious example is the crib-pimping taking place at his Nkandla homestead. It's all very surreal, isn't it? Clearly the president has many enemies, but are they the sort that requires him to bunk down in something resembling C-Max to feel safe at night? 

The regulars at the Ridge were all rather intrigued to learn, from one of the many reports on the progress of construction work at this "top secret" national key point, that the security detail were to be given not one, but two astroturf football pitches on which to lark about. Who, we wondered, would be watching the president's back when the bodyguards were out running after balls?

More intriguingly, while Public Works Minister Thulas Nxesi has denied that the Nkandla makeover is going to cost R237-million, as reported, and has refused to reveal another figure, his deputy, Jeremy Cronin, has announced that the department is investigating the possibility that the cost of the upgrade had been inflated and government overcharged for the work. Presumably the findings of this investigation will also be top secret.

Meanwhile, the violent wildcat strikes and widespread lawlessness which had contributed to the country's downgrading by ratings agency Moody's and an investor sell-off which had seen the currency weaken to R9 a dollar, show no signs of going away anytime soon. 

In this regard, the president was due to head up a ministerial delegation yesterday in talks with business, labour and community representatives about what has been cheerily spun as "challenges". 

At the time of writing, it wasn't clear exactly what Zuma's "leadership" entailed; responsibility for tackling this mess seems scattered far and wide between cabinet ministers, all of whom have so far failed to bother anyone into even thinking about returning to work.

It must be said, though, that the Chief can work miracles, especially in matters relating to his re-election campaign. 

There has, rather oddly, been a significant increase in recent weeks in ANC membership in Mpumalanga, KwaZulu-Natal and the Free State -- provinces that are expected to be crucial to Zuma's second-term aspirations at the party's elective conference in Mangaung in December -- and, unsurprisingly, quite a few attendant complaints about alleged attempts to manipulate pro-Zuma membership.

Whatever. But it is certainly looking as if the worst president we've had since the end of apartheid is going to be with us for another seven years.

Elsewhere, Zuma has weighed in on the thorny matter of whether or not condoms and other contraceptives should be supplied to schools, telling parents at the launch in Cullinan of the school health policy, a pilot project of the proposed national health insurance scheme: "We don't need to shy away from talking about sex." Parents, he added, should not simply hope that their children were not having sex. "One day you will be surprised."

Would all these free contraceptives result in a sudden explosion in sexual activity among learners? Or rather, a whole heap more than they're already getting?

Given the text book delivery saga, there's little chance of condoms getting near schools anytime soon. 

This article first appeared in the Weekend Argus.

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