HARSH words this week concerning the City of Cape Town's new "casino chip" logo which is every bit as ghastly as the one it now replaces. In fact, here at the Mahogany Ridge, there was some speculation that, shortly after unveiling this dreadful mess, the city would be coming to its senses and issuing a hasty apology.

Something to the effect that, when the design was circulated for approval, it was passed around face down, and that what council members were really looking at were old coffee cup stains on the back of a piece of cardboard.

But no. The mayor, Patricia de Lille, is adamant that this nonsense is here to stay. Like the old "beach towel" logo - an infantile white squiggle representing the mountain against a backdrop of "arty" stripes of colours of the South African flag - there is a possibility that with time we'll become accustomed to this monstrosity, but we'll never be fond of it. 

Part of the problem, I feel, is Patsy herself. There is the suspicion that when it came to fiddling with and tossing about this thing, there wasn't much in the way of the usual discussions at dull committee meetings and that it was a project pretty much driven by the mayor. Who may or may not have been in the mood for back seat opinions while she had her hands on the wheel. 

It didn't help, either, that the city was having one its periodic attacks of smugness. Cape Town is - just in case you dared to forget - the 2014 world design capital and it is currently hosting the annual Design Indaba. Consequently there is much chatter of innovation and global creativity about the place and everyone's suddenly a maven on the function and form of everything. 

Everyone, that is, except the mayor.

At the risk of being painfully blunt, Patsy is not, I suspect, a person with a high degree of design literacy. Over the years much has been made, for example, of the outfits she has chosen to wear to the annual circus that is the opening of Parliament. Much of it is the customary misogyny you'd expect from male fashion designers, but there is some truth in their snideness; hell would freeze over before the mayor would consider something practical for these occasions.

So it is with the logo. Here is Patsy on why the previous "corporate identity and pay-off line [‘This city works for you']" had to go despite being just ten years old: ". . . it has become outdated and misaligned with the values, strategy and vision of the City as contained in the [Integrated Development Plan] and supporting polices such as the Economic Growth and Development Strategy and Social Development Strategy.

"The existing logo also has a number of technical limitations, such as its lack of distinctive colour use; its fragile nature which makes it unable to reduce in a legible way; and its lack of scope to stretch on a brand architecture continuum. This makes navigating the various City services and offerings complicated and unclear."

As if this wasn't enough babble for one week, there was some creepy murk about the pay-off line, "This city works for you", being the "antithesis of what this administration stands for, in that it implies a passive government-citizen relationship. We want to shape a future of dynamic collaboration where, through partnership and shared responsibility, we work for mutual success."

Let's ignore for the teeniest moment who exactly pays rates and taxes in this relationship - a gouging that makes the collaboration dynamic enough as it is, thank you very much - and consider how it is exactly that the "casino chip" spells this out.

Well, it doesn't. 

That is why the following "carefully-chosen" words have been strung together in a pay-off line that apparently captures the crux of the biscuit: "Making Progress Possible. Together." But let Patsy explain further in that not very patronising way of hers: 

"Making: It's active. A doing word. Building towards progress and opportunity.

"Progress: A universal desire. For things to be better, to grow, to move forward and upward.

"Possible: Shared responsibility - we make it possible, you need to make it happen. The benefit of both is realising opportunities.

"Together: Everyone has a role to play. Inclusivity."

Or, as we like to think of it down at the Ridge:

It: The thing previously mentioned or identified or implied or easily identified; in this case, the city's new corporate identity.

Sucks: Bombs, doesn't do the job, fails, falls short, flops, folds, misses the point, pulls a Joburg move, stinks. 

In short, it doesn't work for us.

This article first appeared in the Weekend Argus.

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