I HAVE never been nor will I ever be a member of the African National Congress. This declaration, at the insistence of the Mahogany Ridge regulars, is offered in the interests of a balanced Grouse and in the hope that a few troubled minds will be put to rest. 

But first, an explanation. A couple of weeks back I revealed that, one, I had never been nor will will I ever be a member of the DA and, two, that I have never, in fact, been a member of any political party. 

In this respect, you could say that I've heard what Bob Dylan has said on the matter - "Don't follow leaders, watch the parkin' meters. . ." - and that I intend to enjoy a sort of non-aligned future that is quite in keeping with my chosen calling as an impartial person who complains about everything. 

Anyway, I'd have thought there was nothing ambiguous about the above two points. But no, silly me. A number of readers are now under the impression that not being a DA member or a member of any political party must mean that I am ANC member.

There are two possible reasons for this. One, a number of readers are hard of thinking. Two, the ANC is not a political party. Being a charitable sort, I'm inclined to believe it is the latter.

But if the ANC is not a political party, then what is it? 

Well, it does like to dine out on the fact that it is Africa's oldest liberation movement. There is a certain glory in that, but sometimes I wonder if it's not a bit hollow as boasts go given that ours is a democracy born of multi-party negotiations and not bloody revolution.

Maybe the ANC feels "cheated" as its leadership was swept into power by the ballot box and not, sadly, by armoured vehicles trundling through the rubble of what was once Pretoria. 

So, none of the fun and romance that comes with rousing song, sacking mansions and shaving the heads of women who slept with fat white men.

Still, no harm in pretending the revolution was still on the boil, as it were, and all was fair game when it came to dealing with those who differed with Luthuli House, as shown by events on Wednesday.

Now, many have argued the DA march was a pointless exercise in provocation. And it probably would have been - had the ANC chosen to simply ignore it and let the blueshirts march. That was never on the cards, of course. 

Even President Jacob Zuma, in an interview last week, openly declared it was troubling, the cheek of these people daring to exercise their constitutional right. 

"Parties march against governments, they don't march on other parties." he waffled on, enigmatically. "This is unheard of. It is also dangerous . . . The opposition has no ideas. They instead wait on the ANC. They are not telling the people what their alternative is, what they offer. This is dangerous. 

"Can you imagine the ANC marching on all parties it disagrees with?" (Er, yes.)

I think, from my perspective on the fence, Wednesday went to the DA - although Jessie Duarte, the ANC's deputy secretary-general, would probably not agree.

She was her usual charming self afterwards. "We think that the DA has made an absolute fool of themselves, it's very childish," she said. "Actually, if one can use the word - in political terms - it's quite boorish . . . The ANC will not ask anybody to clash with anybody but when you go to the streets, street rules apply."

Street rules apply? Seriously? This is the feral logic of a stoat. 

Okay, that's not exactly fair to stoats. But did you know these animals were so feared that it was once thought their saliva contained fatal poisons? All nonsense, of course. But they do lap the blood of their prey - usually rabbits - in such a way that, back in the day, rural folk mistook them for little furry vampires. Nowadays we just think of our Jess.

On to other matters. Analyst Chris Moerdyk - who famously writes about advertising because no-one else could be bothered - has called on newspapers, radio and TV to declare their political bias "particularly now that a general election is in the offing". 

Writing in The Media Online, Moerdyk suggested that it is only in South Africa that we persist with this "nonsense" of claiming to be unbiased. "In the UK, Europe, the USA and many other democracies," he said, "media owners are all very forthcoming when it comes to taking political sides. Newspaper readers know where they are. TV viewers know where they are."

I've made my position quite clear here, Chris.

This article first appeared in the Weekend Argus.

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