GEORGE Romero’s groundbreaking 1968 film, Night of the Living Dead, did much to establish the cultural conventions of the modern zombie. A subversive critique of American society, Cold War politics and domestic racism, the film swept away the “Caribbean” tropes of living persons placed in a trance by voodoo practitioners, often for some nefarious purpose, and replaced them with something far more ghoulish altogether – decaying reanimated corpses with an insatiable hunger for live flesh.
This week, however, Schabir Shaik has done much to disavow us of such notions. In fact, here at the Mahogany Ridge, we were beginning to wonder if President Jacob Zuma’s friend and former financial adviser really was a zombie after all.
The convicted fraudster was widely supposed to have joined the ranks of the undead shortly after he was released on medical parole in March 2009, two years and four months into a 15-year prison stretch, on the grounds that he was dying.
Within months he was a regular feature at Durban’s smarter country clubs, stalking small animals to eat. Most golfers kept their distance, but in February 2011 a reporter got too close and he allegedly attacked her, throttling her and slapping her face. In September 2013 he apparently launched himself at a caddie who made the potentially fatal error of getting between Shaik and a tasty-looking squirrel.
But on Wednesday he allegedly threatened a News24 journalist, Giordano Stolley, telling him that his health had improved to such an extent that he would be able to headbutt him and kick him in the groin.
What’s noteworthy here is the warning to Stolley. It is uncharacteristic of zombies to indicate in any way to their victims that they are about to become food. Normally, they’d suddenly lurch out from behind a bush, grab someone and start gnawing. Because they are slow-moving, brainless hulks, the element of surprise is essential.
By all accounts, Stolley’s encounter with Shaik began peacefully enough. He’d telephoned him at home for comment on the Correctional Supervision and Parole Review Board’s decision to relax his parole conditions and discuss reports that he was considering going into business.
But it was when Stolley inquired about his health, that things went pear-shaped. “My health is improving,” Shaik replied. “Do you want to die? So why do you want me to die?”
Shaik asked if their conversation was on the record. Stolley said it was, and Shaik became angry. “Who the f**k are you?” he demanded. When Stolley pointed out that he’d been told at the outset he was speaking to a journalist, Shaik accused him of “not having the balls” to interview him in person – which was probably for the best.
“I could have given you a headbutt,” he said. “I will break you, white boy. I will kick you in your p**s.”
Now, I know you’re thinking that’s anatomically impossible. But these are the days of Caitlyn Jenner and other famous transsexuals who have annoyed feminists by deciding to become cartoon women, so Shaik’s confusion in this regard is perhaps understandable.
Nevertheless, the Democratic Alliance has written to the parole review board’s chairman, Judge Siraj Desai, to demand that Shaik’s parole be withdrawn because this incident showed that he was not a person who has fully rehabilitated and was ready for reintegration into society. “In fact,” the party says, “it would appear that he has an anger management issue.”
The DA added that, although Shaik had been released because he was dying, this no longer seemed the case – and he’d stated that his health had improved to the extent that he could kick someone in the front bottom.
“It must be noted,” they continued, “that at the time . . . there was much speculation that Mr Shaik was not in fact terminally ill. Indeed, we suspected that Shaik was not eligible for medical parole but rather that he was receiving preferential treatment because he was closely linked to the President.”
It’s perhaps in light of this, that Shaik – again, very uncharacteristic and un-zombie-like – has complained to a local radio station that, if anyone was the victim here, it was him.
“How is any of this fair?” he moaned. “I am courteous and take your calls but why am I being harassed? This [Stolley] called me and hurled questions at me without asking. I just said, ‘Why are you turning this into an interview?’ Am I not allowed to ask to be left alone?”
Asked about swearing at Stolley, he replied, “This is a free country. Let them write what they want to write. If South Africans want to be believe everything they read that’s on them.”
And with that, like a ghoul Garbo, he was gone.
This article first appeared in the Weekend Argus.
